You know what I hate the most about cancer? It's not the toll on my body or the fear I live with every day. It's not the scars or the medication or the procedures. I hate that this stupid disease has touched my family. I can handle it - I'm strong and it's happening to me. But when my daughter is afraid to hug me and cries because she doesn't want me to have to do any more surgery, yeah, that pisses me off.
Last night K came home and was so happy to see me, but her face fell when I told her to "be easy" around me. She must be so sick of her mom being sick or hurting or unable to do certain things. She started crying and said she doesn't want me to go to Dallas anymore and leave her to stay with someone else. I know that has nothing to do with who she stayed with - she adores her aunt and has a blast every time with her BFF. She's just DONE, and I can't blame her. She's only eight, and for the past year, our entire lives have revolved around me being sick, and it's still not over.
It's not just her. J is Mr. Stoic and doesn't complain about it, but I know he worries about me and there have been so many times, too many, where I've had to say no to something because either I had an appointment or I wasn't physically able to do what he wanted.
And let's not forget Hubby. He never complains either. He just does whatever he has to, whether it's driving to Dallas twice in four days or sleeping in a supremely uncomfortable chair for two nights in a row so he could be with me at the hospital. He will not let me face any part of this alone, and while I hate the toll it takes on him, I'm profoundly grateful. He is my rock and I can't imagine going through this without him.
I'm so thankful for my family's support, but I really, really hate that this touches them at all. I thank God every day for giving them the strength to walk this road with me.