Kicking cancer's ass - day 2407

There.
I just had to put that out there first, because despite what the rest of this post includes, despite my frustration and stress and boredom, I remain optimistic.  This is one of my new favorite songs, and I encourage all of you to "Be a Light":

In a time full of war, be peace

In a time full of doubt, just believe

Yeah, there ain't that much difference between you and me

In a time full of war, be peace

In a world full of hate, be a light

When you do somebody wrong, make it right

Don't hide in the dark, you were born to shine

In a world full of hate, be a light

(La-la-la, la, la, la, la)

In a place that needs a change, make a difference

In a time full of noise, just listen

'Cause life is but a breeze, better live it

In a place that needs a change, make a difference

In a world full of hate, be a light

When you do somebody wrong, make it right

Oh, don't hide in the dark, you were born to shine

In a world full of hate, be a light

I haven't posted anything for a while.  That's because life around the world is a shit show right now, and has been for weeks.  Coronavirus (COVID-19) has taken over every aspect of everyone's lives.  It is labeled a pandemic... which means an outbreak of a pandemic disease.... which means prevalent over a whole country or the world.

COVID-19 is a highly contagious respiratory virus, meaning it spreads rapidly and easily.  If you're alive today, April 18, 2020, then you know this.  But in a few years, if I come back and read this post, I might need a reminder.  Not that I'm likely to forget, but you never know.

Here's what's happening with COVID-19:

People are sick.  734,526 diagnosed cases in the United States as of today.
People are dying.  159,621 reported deaths world-wide as of today.

That's tragic.  And it's serious. I've never lived through a pandemic before.
I get it.  I do.

But still.... I don't.

According to the CDC web site, more than 31,000 people have died from the flu and/or pneumonia caused by the flu, since March 1.  Let's put that into perspective.  That's seven weeks, and in reality, the "flu season" started months and months ago.  As of today, 38,768 people have died in the US from COVID-19.  So... very similar numbers for March and April, and yet we don't freak out and change our entire lives because people are exposed to the flu... every single year.  (I know, I know, COVID-19 is NOT the flu.  I'm just throwing those numbers out there for argument's sake)

• The majority of states in the US have some kind of shelter-in-place order.  Meaning if you don't have to go out, you're not allowed to go out. 
• Gatherings of more than 10 people are prohibited.  
• Restaurants are closed (drive through and pickup still open for most).
• Movie theaters are closed.
• Hair and nail salons are closed.
• Schools are closed.  (My kids went on spring break March 7th and never went back).
  Let me repeat that:  SCHOOLS ARE CLOSED!  There is no end in sight, either.  Do you know what that means?  My son, a high school senior, is missing out on the last of his "lasts".  But that's a whole other post.  We don't even know if they will have a graduation.
• Stores are closed (except grocery, pharmacy, convenience, hardware, etc).
• Playgrounds, mini golf, tennis courts, and baseball/softball fields are closed.
  Let me repeat that:  SOFTBALL FIELDS ARE CLOSED!  I can't even.
• Concerts have been canceled or postponed.
• All major sports seasons have been canceled or suspended.  No major league baseball, no NCAA final four basketball, no hockey playoffs, no NASCAR.
• Understandably, doctors, nurses and other healthcare employees are considered "essential workers".  So are grocery store employees, truck drivers, pharmacy employees, etc.  Basically if you need it, it's considered essential.  Nonessential business are out of luck.  And most of them are having to shut down.  (Ironically liquor stores are open.... essential??)

I have so many conflicting feelings about what's going on.  

Do I believe this is a serious virus?  Yes.  Absolutely.  The numbers don't lie.  COVID-19 is killing people.

Do I believe the spread of this virus is unlike anything we've ever seen?  Yes.  I 100% believe it.

Do I believe the media is force-feeding us information that may not be entirely false, but also isn't entirely true?  YES!

I heard about a Lousiana infant who died "from COVID--19".  The reality is that the mother had COVID-19 and she went into premature labor at 22 weeks.  The baby died because it was born five months early!
I heard about a Connecticut child who died "from COVID-19".  The family later said it was an accident, not the virus.

I have heard so many of these stories.... it's understandable that nobody knows what to believe.

I saw a picture on Facebook of hospital employees (supposedly in NYC) pushing a patient into a hospital.... and the "patient" on the gurney was very obviously a mannequin.  What.The.Hell???

In my opinion, the people in this country are like sheep without a shepherd right now.  Nobody knows who to believe and everyone is afraid and those two things combined are ruining our country.  So many people are living in fear and believing in worst case scenerios, and that's just not me.

The economy is in the toilet.  Over 22 MILLION Americans have filed for unemployment in the last four weeks.  Gas prices are the lowest I've seen since I was a teenager ($1.26 near me), which is usually a cause for celebration, but the reason for it now is not.  

The oil business in our country is tanking.  The travel industry is non-exisitent.   Retailers are shut down.  Construction projects are canceled or postponed, which directly affects MY family's income.  Our family business has been around since the mid-1900s, and it's downright scary to not know if we'll even be employed next month, or the month after.  There is just no work. 

All of this because of a virus that 94% of people infected recover from?

(As a sidebar to this.... I wasn't tested because it was before this pandemic, but I 100% believe I had COVID-19 in January.  I had all of the symptoms:  shortness of breath, dry cough - that lasted for weeks - fever, headache.  No congestion.  No sore throat.  Flu test was negative.  I have a lousy immune system.... being a cancer survivor who underwent chemo and radiation, and also a history of Lyme disease and Epstein-Barr syndrome makes for a very compromised immune system.... and yet here I am alive and well after being sick with this virus.)

Sure, there are exceptions.  Take New York City.  It's a ghost town, and I mean that literally.  NYC has more cases of COVID-19 than any other COUNTRY in the world.  People are dying by the hundreds there.  Every day.  Hospitals are overrun.  I've heard of mass graves because they have nowhere to put all of the people dying.  

That is unfathomable.

Here in Abilene?  We have over 170,000 people in our county, and 126 cases of COVID-19.  That is less than one hundredth of one percent.  .0007   Two people here have died, and they both had underlying health issues.

I'm not trying to make light of anyone suffering from this illness, or making light of anyone who has lost someone to COVID-19.  At all.  I promise I'm not.  And there are certainly areas in this country, highly populated and urban areas, that need very strict measures to "flatten the curve"  (God I'm SO sick of that phrase).  

But the majority of the people in this country are not facing the worst case scenerio.  It is likely that more people will die from heart disease or cancer than COVID-19.  Hospitals here in my area are losing revenue hand over fist and have had to lay people off.  Why? Because we do not have a huge caseload of COVID-19, and the government has shut down all elective medical procedures.  A friend who is a nurse at a local hospital said they have laid people off and their "census" is very low.  Another friend who is a PA a the other hospital here had to take a pay cut.

Need your teeth cleaned?  Sorry.  Need an eye exam?  Sorry.  Need an x-ray or scan?  Unless you're dying or being actively treated for something.... sorry!  I've had to postpone a routine dental exam, a routine (6 month) visit with my surgical oncologist and I've had to reschedule a scan.  A good friend's mom was recently diagnosed with cancer.  She is supposed to have a mastectomy, but that is on hold.  Why?  Because removing the affected breast is medically necessary.... removing the other one is "elective".  Holy hell.  

I have no idea who wrote this (it was in a Facebook post that some of my friends are sharing):

Does anyone really believe that shutting down the economy for months and months until there is a vaccine, causing a global economic depression, is the best course of action here? Instead of using medical treatment that is currently available to help our hospitals not become overrun, and allowing the 95% who this virus poses no serious threat to, to get back to work and keep the economy from collapsing?

That's what I want to know!  Honestly, I think (as in most things) a little goes a long way.  Do we need to go cough all over each other or take a cruise to a foreign country?  Heck no.  But do we need to cause millions of American families to lose their livelihood?  Weeks and months of unemployment is going make everything worse!  If anyone thinks our physical health isn't tied to our economic well-being, they are nuts.  I've seen this image going around Facebook:

You know what?  I think that's rude, not funny.  I could most definitely stay home if money wasn't a problem.  Give me a million dollars and I'll be happy to social distance for a year from my house, a cabin, wherever!  I have little problem shopping online, ordering takeout and spending extra time with my family.  What I do have a problem with is a black financial cloud hanging over our heads.  I have a problem with my kids being secluded from their friends and activities that keep them mentally happy and healthy.  I have a problem with being a cancer survivor unable to schedule the medical appointments and tests that give me peace of mind that I'm still cancer-free.  I have a problem with the overwhelming stress my husband is under trying to keep a business afloat while watching our retirement funds drown in the stock market.  Maybe that all sounds selfish.... I don't know.  But it's real. 

They say money can't buy happiness, but good health can't buy money either.  Families need money... period.  Do we need unlimited tv channels and cases of beer?  No.  But we do need food.  We need electricity.  We need gas for our cars and clothes for our kids and most of us need internet for school and/or work.  We need health insurance!  I know I for one am not someone who can do without health insurance.  In the last seven years, there has only been ONE year that I haven't reached my max out of pocket of $4000.  And if I'm paying $4000, you'd better believe my tests, procedures and surgeries cost way, way, WAY more than that.  When I was going through chemo, just ONE shot of Neulasta cost over $10k.  Granted I'm not in active treatment, but I still see two of my doctors twice a year, which means labs and scans and office visits.  I have to have a high density MRI to screen for pancreatic cancer every year.  I don't even want to know how much that costs.  I have to wear compression 24/7 for my lymphedema.  The sleeve and glove I wear during the day cost over $600, and they are supposed to be replaced every six months.  Needless to say I'm still wearing the same one since February 2019.  

Even with my compromised immune system, I'm not scared of COVID-19.  What I AM scared of is my world being turned inside out and upside down because of it.  

I am not saying we don't need to be careful.  We do.  But I don't think here in Taylor County, Texas, we need to have the same level of caution as New York City.  There are SO many people living in fear, and they keep protesting that it's too soon to open anything up, that we need a complete shut down for a while to make it go away.  What I don't think most of them realize is that social distancing and shutting non-essential businesses is NOT supposed to prevent this disease from spreading.  People are going to get sick... COVID-19 will make its way to every nook and cranny of the country.  It just is.  But the careful measures being taken are supposed to SLOW that spread, flatten the curve, so that our healthcare system is not overwhelmed and hospitals and healthcare workers can be prepared with the supplies they need.  

Yesterday Texas Governor Greg Abbott announced his plan to "reopen" Texas.  State parks will be open beginning Monday.  Groups of more than 5 people are prohibited, and park goers are required to wear face coverings when out in public.  Retail businesses may reopen next Friday, but only for delivery or pickup.  See?  Cautious, but realistic.  

I know there are people who feel very strongly about this issue on both sides, and I do not want to make light of anyone's position or feelings on this.  But like everyone else, I'm entitled to my opinion.  I want my family and friends to stay safe.  I want my family and friends to be careful.  But I also want my family and friends to be able to live their lives again, so that they may provide for their families financially and emotionally.

One last thing... my 18 year old son, who has basically had his senior year canceled, is an essential worker and I am SO PROUD of him for being dependable at a job that is very necessary right now (grocery).  He's working usually five nights a week and he does it with a smile on his face.