Welcome to my world

I am a wife, a mom, a daughter, a sister and a friend.
I've learned that who you have in your life matters more than what you have.
Thank you for stepping in to my world!

Thursday, September 28, 2017

Kicking cancer's ass - day 1490



I've had several people ask me about my recent CT scan, so I figured maybe it was time for an update.

I went to Dallas two weeks ago because my breast surgeon wanted me to have a scan of my chest/shoulder area to see if there was any obvious reason for my lymphedema.  The scan was nothing.... we were actually in and out in under thirty minutes.  Then we had to wait another thirty minutes just to move our car out of the valet parking mess, but that's another story.

The nurse practitioner called me the following Monday, but I was at the dentist with J so my phone was on silent.  By the time I got out and listened to the voice mail it was after 5pm.  Of course.  Her message said that the CT didn't show anything concerning, no trauma or scar tissue to explain the lymphedema, but she would call the other number they have for me (Hubby's) to try to get a hold of me.  She did call and talk to him and told him the same thing, with one exception:  I have a few small lung nodules that the radiologist noted in the report.  She told Hubby that she would call me the following day to go over everything.

Needless to say, it has now been over a week and I haven't received a call.  I've sent a couple of messages to the office, but they are only in clinic a couple days a week.  I figure if it was something to be scared of, they would have made sure to get in touch with me ASAP.  It pisses me off that nobody has responded to my requests for a phone call..... but I'm going to say no news is good news.

The full report from the radiologist is on my online medical chart, but of course I had to Google every other word to try to make sense of it.  Medical terminology is not my language apparently.  Basically from what I could tell, nothing was out of the ordinary except these lung nodules (which I've had since my very first scan).  The radiologist recommended in the report that I have a follow-up scan in six months.  That's it in a nut shell.

So I'll just go on about my business.  


Lymphedema is extremely frustrating.  Frustrating because I was fine for almost four years and then out of nowhere it showed up.  Frustrating because sometimes it hurts.  Frustrating because I'm doing everything I can to manage it and it has not gotten any better.  I sit through this "air chamber" (as Hubby calls it) therapy for an hour every single night.  I wear my glove (not always my sleeve) every day.  I wrap my arm and hand several nights a week.  And it's still the same.  My arm is puffy.  My hand is puffy.  My fingers are puffy.  (K said "Mom, you can't even see your knuckles!")  
I can't lift anything with that arm.  
I can't wear my watch or even my wedding rings.  


One of the things I've been struggling with lately is perspective.  Making mountains out of molehills is a talent of mine, and not sweating the small stuff is something I've always had trouble with.  It's not easy being this sensitive and emotional about just about everything.  Ha!  

I try not to complain too much, because in the grand scheme of things, is lymphedema a catastrophe?  No.  It's a legit health issue, sure, but it's not life threatening.  It's uncomfortable and annoying, but I've lived through way worse.  I have friends going through way worse.  


It has been over 1500 days since I was diagnosed with cancer.  The fact that I'm still here, four years later, to complain about my wedding rings not fitting is something to be grateful for.  
How's that for perspective?  





Friday, September 15, 2017

Kicking cancer's ass - day 1477

Do you want to know what's terrifying?

Waking up from a sound sleep for no reason.... then realizing that my heart is racing, my thoughts are scattered, I'm filled with fear.  Nightmare?  I wish that's all it was.

I have *that* feeling.


Every time this has happened to me..... always at night..... this feeling that something bad is going to happen?  It happens.

Every.Single.Time.


I'm not just talking about waking up with a cold, or having a bad hair day, or losing my car keys.  When I get this feeling, it's usually a life or death situation.   I don't know who, or what, or where, or even when..... but this feeling always leads to bad news coming my way.

Tomorrow my son is riding 4+ hours on the bus to a football game.
Tomorrow my daughter is riding 4 hours with a friend to the football game.
Tomorrow Hubby and I are driving 3 hours to Dallas, then another hour to the football game.

That's a lot of hours, and miles, for something bad to happen.

I had cancer.  My best friend has cancer.  
My mom had cancer.  One of her best friends has cancer.
My dad has a myriad of health problems stemming from a heart attack and stroke (and yes, I had "that feeling" right before that happened).

That's too many people in my little circle with serious, scary health issues. 

Tomorrow I'm having a chest CT scan.  The purpose is to see if they can discover a reason for my sudden onset of lymphedema.  As a cancer patient, having a feeling of foreboding the night before a CT scan is enough to send me into a panic attack.

It's 1:48am and all I can do is worry about tomorrow.  Will this be the time "that feeling" is wrong?  Or do I just have to wait until bad news hits me like a ton of bricks?

Do me a favor:  be extra careful.  Do it for me.