Words written from the heart 💓
Cancer is a terrible thing.
One day you and your spouse and kids are living the American dream. You own a house, cars, a business. You go on vacation; your kids are in sports which keeps you busy all the time. Life is good.
Your spouse is the nicest, sweetest, most caring person you have ever met. Anything and everything she does is to make others happy. Some would say she is too sweet and caring. But that is who she is and that is who you fell in love with.
You will do anything to help someone, but your personality is far different than your spouse's, and people will either like you or not. …there is no in between.
The kids luckily get their caring, soft hearts from their mother; the oldest (not being from this mother) poor thing takes after his dad in many ways.
All is normal American family time UNTIL one day your spouse discovers she has cancer. From that day forward nothing will ever be the same. After 2 ½ years and 7 or 8 surgeries, most people think it is over and your spouse is back to “normal”. What people do not realize is for a cancer patient (and their caregiver) nothing will ever be “normal” again. Every little pain, every time you “feel” different, anytime a new spot shows up, you are scared to death.
The cancer patient will never be normal again because her body and mind have been scarred for life. This person that was once the sweetest, most caring person is not that same person any more… not because she does not want to be, but because this has made her that way. People she knows, friends, colleagues etc. think that everything is back to normal, but it is not and never will be. This cancer person is a bit more rough around the edges, she will no longer go with the flow, she will stand up for herself, she will not let anyone walk over her like before. She used to think and consider things before reacting, but now if there is something she thinks is wrong she will confront right then and there. That is something she would never do before.
As for the caregiver, they usually go into this thinking only of the cancer patient, which is normal and very understandable. But these people change during this adventure too. I can only speak for the one I know. This caregiver was always easy going and it took a lot to upset him. This person was told to make sure and take time for himself during this whole thing. Well he did not believe or think he needed that. He has since learned that a caregiver needs to take that advice, otherwise it will build up and eat you alive. This once easy going guy let all the anger and hate build up and had no release for it. Still to this day, when it blows he does not hold back. It no longer takes very much to upset this person.
Please do not think you know anything about how a cancer patient should feel. Please don’t think, “Ok they have finished everything so they should now be back to normal”. There is no back to normal. There is only one way you will ever know how a cancer patient or caregiver feels, and I pray to God that you never have the opportunity to know.
This cancer patient is still the greatest, most loving person there is. Knowing all this, either understand her new normal and be her friend or don’t and stop acting.
My Hubby is not a writer, and he is not one to share his feelings, especially with the entire world like this. He recently sent that to me, and I'm sharing with his permission.