Waking up from a sound sleep for no reason.... then realizing that my heart is racing, my thoughts are scattered, I'm filled with fear. Nightmare? I wish that's all it was.
I have *that* feeling.
I'm not just talking about waking up with a cold, or having a bad hair day, or losing my car keys. When I get this feeling, it's usually a life or death situation. I don't know who, or what, or where, or even when..... but this feeling always leads to bad news coming my way.
Tomorrow my son is riding 4+ hours on the bus to a football game.
Tomorrow my daughter is riding 4 hours with a friend to the football game.
Tomorrow Hubby and I are driving 3 hours to Dallas, then another hour to the football game.
That's a lot of hours, and miles, for something bad to happen.
I had cancer. My best friend has cancer.
My mom had cancer. One of her best friends has cancer.
My dad has a myriad of health problems stemming from a heart attack and stroke (and yes, I had "that feeling" right before that happened).
That's too many people in my little circle with serious, scary health issues.
Tomorrow I'm having a chest CT scan. The purpose is to see if they can discover a reason for my sudden onset of lymphedema. As a cancer patient, having a feeling of foreboding the night before a CT scan is enough to send me into a panic attack.
It's 1:48am and all I can do is worry about tomorrow. Will this be the time "that feeling" is wrong? Or do I just have to wait until bad news hits me like a ton of bricks?
Do me a favor: be extra careful. Do it for me.