37 more hours...

On Wednesday at 12:30pm, my little girl will turn six.  I can hardly believe it.  She is so smart and so caring and so sensitive and so beautiful.  It humbles me that I have the privilege of being this amazing girl's mom.

You know what?  During my pregnancy, when I found out I was having a girl, I cried.  And not tears of joy.  I'm ashamed to admit it now, but I thought I was having a boy, I already had a boy and knew what to DO with a boy, I wanted another boy.  A girl?  What do I do with that?  We're talking hair clips and bratty girlfriends and hormones - oh Lord.  Of course, that's water way, way under the bridge now and if any of you ever tell my daughter that, I will deny it to my dying day!

K is a girly-girl who loves princesses, dresses, shoes and nail polish.  She asks just about every day if she can wear make-up and wants to grow her hair as long as Rapunzel.  She is also a little bit of a tomboy and loves Super Mario Brothers and playing sports.  She loves kittens and horses and stickers and books.  She sings and dances in the dark listening to Taylor Swift and gets embarrassed if you catch her at it.  She is bright and sweet and wants everyone to be her friend.  She has her daddy's brown eyes and his sense of humor (hello?  Three Stooges marathon??) and her mama's soft heart and sensitive nature.  She is my little girl who is growing up faster than I can stand it. 

Happy Birthday K!  You light up our lives, baby girl.

Spring has sprung!

I realized when I signed in to my blog the other day that I never published this post from last month!

I always hate to coin phrases like "they always say ______" because, really, how annoying is that?  Who are "they" and why are "they" always right????  However, I need to make an exception.  THEY always say if you don't like the weather in Texas, wait five minutes and it will change.  Some of you who don't live here might think that's an exaggeration.  It's not really.  My cousin once commented on a photo of mine on Facebook.  He wrote, "I'm pretty convinced you have the craziest weather on earth in Abilene."  Yeah, that about sums it up.  The picture he was commenting on was a piece of hail the size of a ping pong ball that fell one morning.  We left the house and it was sunny.  By the time we got to school two miles away, the sky was lit up with lightning and it was POURING hail.  I'm not kidding - the school yard looked like it was covered in snow.  The temperature that morning was a chilly 45.   And just two days before that we were having summer weather - sunny and 90+ degrees!


Anyway, this blog post today is not going to be about the weather.  Well, it's not supposed to be.  I kind of went off on a tangent.  I wanted to start off saying that I'm not a big fan of spring.  I know it's a favorite season for a lot of people (my mother).  Everything is new and green and blooming and getting warm.  Here in Texas it is still dry and windy, mostly hot with an occasional cold day thrown in.  Give me fall and winter with football, Christmas music, turtlenecks and fuzzy socks please.  We don't have grass, we have weeds, so even in the springtime our yard doesn't look very pretty.  The only trees we have are mesquite trees, so big deal.  Where are the magnolia or dogwood or any other pretty flowering trees?  Certainly not here.  However, there is one thing I have come to love about springtime in Texas.  Bluebonnets.  They are the state flower and are so, so pretty, but you have to be careful because if you blink, you might miss them.  When the time is right, they pop up out of nowhere and, seemingly overnight, you have fields upon fields of blue.  Then, about a week later, they are wilted and fading and then just gone!  


Ever since J was a baby, I have made it a tradition to venture out into the field of bluebonnets and take pictures.  Everyone always loves these photos, and in ten years, we've only had two springs when I didn't get any.  One year was unusually warm or wet or something, and the few bluebonnets that did pop out weren't very picture-worthy.  Last year was such a crazy winter that we had NONE.  Zip, zero, nada.  


Apparently this year Mother Nature decided to flaunt her awesomeness, because they were EVERYWHERE!  Bluebonnets had been out for over a week, so most of them were already past their prime when I went to take pictures.   The big field near my house that we usually go to, though, was still overrun with them, and an occasional pretty yellow flower thrown in.  Surprisingly my kids were even cooperative about the photo op.  

Struggling...

Romans 5:5 ESV 

And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Today I really needed to read this verse.  Lately my hopeful and optimistic spirit has been dampened by circumstances out of my control.  Not by anything disastrous or life-threatening, nothing like that.  But my ability to see the best in people & give them the benefit of the doubt is beyond me right now and I need some encouragement.

Unfairness is one of my biggest pet peeves.  Maybe it indicates that I live in a dream world with my head in the clouds to admit that I think things should be done the way they are supposed to be done.  That they aren't always, even when pertaining to something unimportant, is abhorrent to me.  Why do people lie to each other?  Why say one thing and do the opposite?  Why make poor excuses instead of owning up to the truth?  I wish I had the answers to those questions, because right now my faith in other people is low.  Saying what you mean and meaning what you say shouldn't be so hard!
 

I don't have a perfect moral compass.  I don't always make the right decisions.  I like to think, though, that I always, always try to do the right thing, even when it means stepping way out of my comfort zone.  Recently I did that in defense of someone who needed defending, and all it got me was attacked in return.  In my experience, people will lash out and accuse when they have a guilty conscience.  I very rarely speak out on anything, so if I do and someone gets defensive or evasive, I tend to believe that they are in the wrong.  There is defensiveness and evasiveness flying all around me.

I once read somewhere that you should beware of half truths, because you might learn the wrong half.  So true!

Ella Wheeler Wilcox said: 'Tis easy enough to be pleasant, when life flows like a song. But the man worthwhile is the one who will smile when everything goes dead wrong.

I am trying my hardest to smile in spite of things going wrong.   However, I would prefer to open my own eyes, rather than have them opened for me by other people and their actions.  Unfortunately, as the saying goes, life is not fair.  Sometimes it's not even the end result but simply the process or the journey that isn't fair.  That's what I'm struggling with right now.  Other people's selfishness in serving their own agenda has put a huge dark cloud over the pleasure and enjoyment I've known for weeks.  It's not the agenda itself, but the way certain people went about it, that has upset me.

There are two ways of meeting difficulties: you alter the difficulties or you alter yourself meeting them. (Phyllis Bottome)

I am glad that this struggle revolves only around me and my expectations of others.  My husband and my kids are somewhat affected by the outcome, but the problem in dealing with it is all mine.  There is no way to alter these difficulties, so I must alter myself.  I'm trying.  I actually told Hubby last night that he hasn't been able to do it in twelve years, but I wish he could finally teach me how to let things go.  It's so incredibly hard for me to turn the other cheek when I know someone is wrong.  I want it fixed, and in my life right now, I have no tools to fix it.  I'm on the outside looking in and my humble opinion means next to nothing.  Hubby has this amazing ability to mask his feelings until he gets over it, which normally happens fairly quickly.  He can hold a grudge with the best of them, but very rarely does he.  He's able to see what truly matters in the grand scheme of things.  I need to learn to follow by his example and not let my soft heart and my logical mind bring me down when life isn't careful with them.  People tend to stomp on soft hearts and ignore logical minds.  Thankfully I married a man who protects the first and appreciates the second.  

We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope. - Martin Luther King, Jr. I want to feel hopeful again.

It's a zoo out there!

Last week was spring break here in Texas.  Does it matter that it wasn't even officially SPRING yet?  Apparently not.  Anyway, since kids happy to be at home = mom NOT happy to have the kids at home, we all scramble to find something fun and interesting (and cheap!) to do. 

We decided to visit the Forth Worth Zoo.  If you've never been there, I highly recommend it.  It's easy to get to (just over 2 hours away and two turns off the interstate) and very inexpensive.  Adult admission was $12 and the kids were $9, parking was $5.  In the DFW area, that is almost unheard of.  I do not, however, recommend going during spring break.  Apparently this particular zoo sets ATTENDANCE RECORDS that week.  Lovely.  Fortunately we went on Monday, and not half-price Wednesday, so it was only slightly crazy instead of total insanity.

All kidding aside (ok, I wasn't kidding), we had a great time.  We packed a lunch and had a picnic on the grass outside the parking lot before we went in because I'd been told the food was the one expensive thing at the zoo.  The zoo is very pleasantly landscaped with a lot of nice walkways, shade trees (we don't have those in Abilene) and even a handy little train that takes you from the back of the park to the front for only $2.  That was nice when the kids were tired of walking after seeing everything!  We saw hippos, elephants, flamingos, tigers, leopards, turtles, horses, fish, birds, penguins, bears, monkeys, and so many more.  The only bummer was we couldn't find the cheetah - we found the exhibit, but NOT the animal - and that was the one big cat K was so excited to see.  Oh well, there's always next time.   But NOT during spring break!


Parking lot picnic!

  
I'm not sure what animals were behind us, but it made for a nice backdrop for the photo!

The tigers were LAZY!

The mountain goats were NOT lazy!  They were playing on the rocks and giving us quite a show!

Sharks!  (they were small)

J sat on his perch much more easily than K!

Happy train riders!

The girls each picked out an animaland animal to "make".  J picked out two bags of rocks.  Yeah.

Another photo op?  C'mon Mom!!!

I don't think the 10 yr old in the way back ever slept, but this is what the zoo did to these girls! 

Not feeling the love

Do you ever have days where you are not necessarily in a bad mood or upset with someone, but certain things are just pissing you off?  That's me today.  I feel good.  I slept good last night.  I exercised this morning.  I enjoyed lunch with my kids.  There was nothing bad that set me off, so I'm not cranky.  There are just these.... annoyances.... that have been gathering in the back of my mind, and I'm reaching the point where I have to let them out.

• This God-awful-blowing-dust-everywhere-making-breathing-difficult-strong-enough-to-rock-my-CAR wind.  I am SO over it.  I have lived in Texas for eleven years and I think the wind has gotten progressively worse every year.  Last year was the absolute worst.  Everyone says "Oh, the March winds".  HA.  March?  Try February, March, April, May, June.... you get the idea.  IT.  NEVER.  ENDS.  I don't have the kind of hair that looks good after a wind storm.  I have stick-your-finger-in-a-socket kind of hair that is barely tame on a good day.   Baseball caps are a fashion requirement for me in the spring and summer.   I also have very sensitive eyes, made worse by allergies (or so my optometrist tells me).  My eyes water all the time.  See a Visine commercial?  Watch my kids practice crossing their eyes?  Bright sunshine or a slight breeze?  My eyes water like crazy.  40mph winds are NOT my friend. 
• My sixteen-year-old cat refuses to stop pooping on the floor.  She only does it at night when she's in the laundry room (where she has slept for the past eleven years).  I've noticed lately that if I put an assortment of boxes, rubbermaid lids, etc, over the carpet where she is going, then I don't wake up to any surprises.  Until now.  She  outsmarted me.  Last night I put out my anti-poop tools all over the floor, only to walk out there this morning to find a present on the OTHER carpet in front of the washing machine.  Damn cat.   She gets yelled at and her nose shoved in her droppings when she's bad.  She gets heaps of praise, love and treats when she's good.  You'd think she could figure out which is the better deal.   Little does she know that she's pushing me to the end of my rope.  My next step is putting her in the garage for the night.   She can bunk down with my car on the cold concrete floor and see how fun that is.
• Fox.  I am not a big tv watcher.  In fact, during the day I don't even turn it on.  I'm the anomaly in my house, because when my husband and kids get home, the first thing they do is turn on the television.  There are very few shows that I like to watch on a regular basis.  American Idol is one of them.  Unfortunately, that show airs on Fox, which my Dish Network no longer offers thanks to a dispute in price.  Seriously.  I live out in the boonies so there is no other option.  We can't get cable.  We switched from Directv because we had to PAY for local channels.  Now that we have free local channels with Dish, they proceed to drop one.  Trying to hunt down American Idol the next day online is frustrating, and watching the show on my laptop is not my idea of a good time.  Good thing I don't ever want to vote for the singers.
• The current craze over grown-ups reading young adult novels drives me crazy.  I love books, I am a dedicated reader and my tastes are pretty varied.  However I have no desire to read about teenagers!  The whole Twilight thing?  Ick.  I have nothing against vampires or love stories.  In fact, one of the best books I've read lately is Darker After Midnight - a book about vampires.  But they are ADULTS!  I don't care how good the story is or how talented the author is.... I just can't get into a book about children just a few years older than my son.
• People who preach about the evils of flour, sugar, carbs, artificial sweeteners, etc.  I get it.  You are a food nazi and you are skinny.  You also can't be as happy as this bread loving, french fry eating, Diet Coke addict.   I know that people who rigidly control those items in their diet maintain a ridiculously healthy weight.  Good for them.  I can't and I won't give them up.  If that means I'm ten pounds heavier than I want to be for the rest of my life, so be it.  I eat healthy.  I love salad, fruits, water, tea.  I will take chicken over red meat any day.  My blood pressure is perfect and my cholesterol is fine.  I walk three miles several times a week and I can ride eight miles on my exercise bike in thirty minutes.  If I want to eat a Dove chocolate or twelve, leave me alone.
• Speaking of fitness.... I want to say I will NEVER become a runner.  I don't know how many people in my life have told me recently that they always said the same thing, and now they love to run.  Bully for them.  They obviously didn't stick to their convictions.  I. AM. NOT. A. RUNNER.  If I had to run two miles to save my life, I'm not sure I could do it.  I don't have a runner's body, I don't have the stamina you need, and I don't enjoy it.  It's torture.  I would rather walk ten miles than run half a mile.  Talk it up all you like, you will never convince me that I will learn to like running.   
• When do you think someone will realize that we have taken the whole reality show concept too far?  I will admit there are some good reality shows out there.  I watch some of them.  My husband watches far too many of them.  So many people do.  I don't get it.  Why would I want to watch a show about hog hunters or whatever they are called?  Or Swamp People?  I'm sorry, but if you need subtitles for a show that is broadcast IN ENGLISH, that's not my kind of entertainment.  Alaskan troopers, Cajun Pawn, Gold Rush.... the list goes on and on.  Hubby's (and J's) latest obsession?  Finding Bigfoot.  This show is beyond ludicrous.  These seemingly sane adults are standing in the woods at night, they hear a crash, and immediately they announce that it was a sasquatch throwing a rock at them.  It couldn't have been a branch falling or a deer running through a bush, right?  Maybe it's the unbelievable factor that makes these shows so popular....  millions of people sit around their tv saying, "I can't believe they made a show about THIS!"

I know I have more rants and raves in me somewhere, but my mind is tapped out for now.  That should relieve enough steam that I won't boil over into a PMS-clone anytime soon. 
Happy Wednesday everyone.