Last night I could not fall asleep. It might sound melodramatic, but the longer I lay there, the more I was overwhelmed with a feeling of impending doom. (You might think I'm crazy, but the first time I've ever felt that, the next day Allyson told me she had cancer. The second time I felt like that, Hubby's brother was killed in a motorcycle accident. The third time - my BFF told me her sister had had a heart attack. I've learned to really hate that feeling! I really, really hope nobody calls me with bad news today!)
After laying in bed for over an hour feeling like I was jumping out of my skin and waiting for the other shoe to drop, I gave up. There's nothing like wandering a dark house at one in the morning by yourself wondering what the heck is wrong.
It's nights like this when I have to accept that I may be stronger and healthier than I was this time last year, but there are still going to be days (or nights) when cancer and its effects get the best of me. Learning to lean on my faith so fear doesn't overwhelm me is going to be a never ending process.
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