One of my Facebook Bellas posted something that really struck a chord with me. She was having a hard time after a young woman she knew recently passed away from cancer. She wrote:
"I don't feel like I'm surviving, I feel like I am just waiting for my turn - this is a horrible disease"
Even though I try not to dwell on my health, and sometimes I even manage to "forget" for a while, I do have moments where I feel exactly like that. I know that there are a lot of people who beat cancer and go on to live for a long, long time. But I also know there are many who aren't so lucky.
There are days when I feel lousy or I'm completely exhausted and it's just really difficult to stay positive. I had an aggressive form of breast cancer that had already spread to multiple lymph nodes. I also carry the gene mutation for breast cancer. Those two things aren't exactly encouraging. There are other days, though, where I feel like the past eighteen months can't possibly have happened to me. It's still surreal, even after everything I've gone through.
I truly believe that "surviving" isn't just something we do, it's something we must choose to do. I can't control whether or not I ever get cancer again. I can control the choices I make, though, and I try every day to be healthier, stronger, happier and more positive. That's not just surviving, that's living!