One thing I've discovered about blogging is that it's a challenge trying to come up with an interesting topic every single day. That's why I decided I would bring a mixed bag of whatever to Friday's blog. I'll just write what's on my mind instead of trying to be clever or come up with some kind of theme post.
Today I realized something. I often find myself doing things in my everyday life because I have to, not because I want to. Yes, that's the consequence of being a grown-up. I didn't get to the ripe old age of 38 without knowing that. In our family, hubby is the money-maker and I am the caretaker. Even though I am a homemaker and technically "unemployed", there are certain obligations - things I must do to keep our family on track and our household running smoothly. I know what my job is and I think I do it well. Sometimes I find myself putting off something I want to do, even something insignificant, because I feel I should be doing something else.
Let me try to explain. This morning I was tired. Not just "hit the snooze to give me five more minutes" tired, but TIRED. I have restless legs syndrome and it has been horrible this week. I never have a problem sleeping, but the last few nights have been insomnia city for me. When my alarm went off to wake J up for school at 6am today, getting out of bed was the very last thing I wanted to do. Mom's don't get the day off, though, ever. I made breakfast, packed his lunch, tied his shoes (yes, he's nine and can't do that yet) and sent him off while dreaming of going back to bed. I'm tempted to do that just about every day. As a stay-at-home mom, I have that luxury. However, I'm rarely rewarded because the days I DO decide to snuggle back in, K will invariably wake up ten minutes later. The odd day she sleeps past 7:30 or 8am are the days I have managed to buck up and ignore my pillow.
Going back to this morning - I withstood the temptation of crawling back into bed and put in almost ten miles on my exercise bike instead. In my opinion, a workout and reading/dozing in bed are not even remotely on the same plane. I'm glad I exercised and getting it out of the way first thing leaves the rest of the day open to not dreading it! But as I was sweating through the miles, I sat there and wondered how often I do the things I feel I should do versus doing something I want to do. Yes, I wanted to work out (well, not really, because I hate exercise but I NEED to) and I much prefer to get it over with sooner rather than later. Would I rather opt for sleeping in or curling up on the couch with a cup of tea and a book? No question. So why do I feel compelled to do something I don't even remotely want to do?
I know you can't go through life doing whatever you want. Can I run off and join the circus? No. My house would disappear under a pile of dust, my children would have to survive on Taco Bueno and hubby would miss me (I hope). And no, I really don't want to join the circus. But I think it's so easy, too easy, to get bogged down in "shoulds" and "can'ts" and focus on responsibility, all the while losing out on the carefree & fun aspects of life.
Sometimes it's incredibly difficult to stop & smell the roses. Maybe next time I will convince myself to ignore the exercise bike and go back to bed after all.