I read a post online today, something someone in the public eye had written, and it really made me think. It was written by a woman who is currently undergoing treatment for breast cancer. In my quest for information and support, since d-day I have come across countless articles and followed many, many women throughout their fight. I still do. Anyway, this particular lady has had surgery and chemo, so while I know everyone responds and reacts differently, I pretty much know exactly what she's going through, considering I've been there. It sucks, and I feel sorry for her, or anyone else who has to face this beast like I did, but sometimes she comes across as such a whiner. That makes me sound really judgmental, and I hate that. Let me try to explain my feelings about this.
Like this woman, I made the decision to bring my fight to the public eye. Granted, my little blog reaches only a tiny fraction of the audience she does, but still. I chose to share every day of my treatment - the good, the bad and the ugly. Through it all, I tried to remain myself. I didn't want to become Michelle the cancer patient. I am Michelle who happened to have cancer. I have followed this lady's posts from the beginning of her journey, and since day one, I've been wondering if I ever gave my readers that same self-pitying vibe that I get from reading her words.
Every cancer patient instantly becomes selfish and self-centered when diagnosed. You have to. Immediately the focus switches from everyday life to fighting for your life, and things that might seem trivial to others are suddenly a huge deal to you. Cancer has a sneaky way of taking over every aspect of your life if you let it. However, I know that there are millions of other women battling right beside me. This woman writes like she's the first person to ever have breast cancer. I sympathize with her, and definitely harbor no ill will toward her. I respect her for her honesty and her openness. What she's going through is a nightmare, plain and simple. But she's not the only woman who has had her hair, her breasts and life as she knew it stolen by cancer.
I realize not everyone can put on a brave face and wake each day planning to be strong. I know I didn't. Cancer and its treatment is no picnic. I've had my share of "woe is me" days for sure. I don't always feel strong, and every day I hate what cancer has done to me. I just hope I haven't brought my readers, my supporters, down by feeling sorry for myself.