Kicking cancer's ass - day 1618

2018 is barely thirty-one days old and already I hate it.  

This is insomniac blogging at its worst.  

Six weeks ago my mom lost her best friend to cancer.  They had been the closest of friends for decades.  They had seen each other through good marriages and divorce.  They had raised children in the same neighborhood and shared a love of music, peace and nature.  It was devastating that such a youthful, healthy woman 70 years young could succumb to such a horrible disease.

It's even more devastating that I am on the verge of losing MY best friend to that same damn disease.

It was almost four years ago that I went to visit my dear friend Allyson after I had finished chemo.  She had fought the good fight and went home to hospice care when there was nothing else to be done.  It was the last time I saw her.

Tomorrow (or should I say today) I am flying to Virginia to see Trudy.  My oldest and dearest friend is reaching the end of her fight.  She is weary and her body is weak, but her soul is at peace.  She has been my best friend for over three decades.  We've seen each other through heartbreak and love, childbirth and loss.  I can't imagine any world without her in it, but I especially can't imagine MY world without her.  

One of Trudy's greatest strengths is her faith in the Lord, and I'm doing my best to mimic that.  While my mind is screaming "WHY??????", my heart is seeking peace through His word.  I don't know what else to do.

Psalms are some of my very favorite Bible verses.

HE HEALS THE BROKENHEARTED AND BANDAGES THEIR WOUNDS. - Psalm 147:3

I'm counting on that.  

I have experienced quite a bit of loss in my life.  But none of them hit as hard as this one.

There are tears streaming down my face and a knot in my stomach, knowing my trip tomorrow will probably be the last time I see my BFF.  Life will never be the same.  We may live far apart, but she has never, never been far from my heart.  So many years of memories, so many laughs.  Her friendship has been a comfort I can't even describe.  

I'm relieved for her.  As her husband put it, she's been a valiant soldier.  But she's tired.  She deserves a rest.  She deserves peace.  I just wish with all my might that those things didn't come with such devastating loss to those of us who love her.  

I've never had to prepare myself to say goodbye.  I don't even know where to begin.