Several years ago, I was struggling.
Work was incredibly stressful, finances were tight, lingering effects of cancer treatment were bringing me down, and life was just HARD. I know a lot of people have a tough road to follow, so my being sad or stressed or anxious or whatever was nothing special. We all face battles, most of which we don't even see.
My cancer diagnosis in 2013 was devastating. Treatment was grueling, surgeries were endless. It all took a toll on me and my family. It still does. PTSD after cancer is real, trust me.
A year later my friend Allyson passed away. She had ovarian cancer. She was one of the best people I knew, and she helped me TREMENDOUSLY throughout my cancer treatments. She said "If I can use what I know firsthand to help someone else, then it's worth it."
In 2018 I lost my BFF—also to cancer. She was the Thelma to my Louise. Even though we didn't live anywhere near each other anymore, I didn't know how to do life without her. I still don't.
A year later my big brother died unexpectedly. Suddenly I'm an only child. He was larger than life, always the guy up for anything. He lived big and he loved bigger. And I don't have him in my life anymore.
In 2022 I lost my dad. A girl never stops needing her dad. Even though it was time, he'd struggled for a long time and he was ready, I wasn't. My family unit was shrinking.
In just a few short years I'd had to say goodbye to a lot of people who meant a lot to me. I hate to say it, but my faith took a beating. It's hard, when things happen like that, to not ask "WHY???". Why did a good Christian woman like Allyson have to leave her three little boys without a mom? Why did I survive the exact same diagnosis as Trudy, and she didn't? Why did God take so many people close to my heart? Why? Why? Why?
Enter GRATITUDE.
It's not like I was never grateful for what I have. After everything I'd been through, the saying "Every day is a gift, that's why it's called the present" could not be more true. I am so thankful to be alive and well. I'm incredibly grateful for my husband, my rock. He makes me laugh even when I don't want to, and holds me up when I can't stand on my own.
I have the most amazing, supportive mom, and the best kids who we somehow managed to raise to become amazing human beings. I'm so thankful that I've been here for my kids' high school graduations, I'm here to see my daughter thrive in college, and I get to watch my son marry the sweetest girl later this year. Road trips, softball games, concerts, golf dates, snuggles with my dog...life is good.
But before? A few years ago, I was S T R U G G L I N G.
I never make New Year's resolutions, because I know I won't keep them. I have no willpower. Why set myself up for defeat, right?
But one New Year's Eve.... I made a decision. I was going to choose a word for that upcoming year. I chose gratitude. I don't know why. Maybe I thought choosing that word would speak it into existence. I just knew I needed to do something to shift my focus from everything and everyone I'd lost to just appreciating the life I have and get to live every day.
I downloaded an app on my phone (Presently) that sends me a notification every night. It asks me "What are you grateful for today?"
850 days of gratitude. Every day, that little app on my phone reminds me that there's always, always something to be grateful for. Most days it's something trivial... I'm grateful for my heating pad, or I'm grateful for sunshine. Often I put that I'm grateful for my husband, or my friends, my kids... There have been many times that I've been grateful for DoorDash. haha Sometimes I'm just grateful to be grateful!
Recently on a road trip, Hubby and I took the Love Languages quiz. Mine was Acts of Service, which is pretty spot on for me. But I honestly think music is my love language. One of the things in life I'm most grateful for is music. I listen to music at work, at home, in the car.... I love going to concerts because live music is just the BEST. I have a country playlist, a Christian music playlist, a playlist that has everything from Celine Dion to Aerosmith to Glen Campbell.
One of my absolute favorite songs is Gratitude by Brandon Lake. I listen to it every day on my way to work because it grounds me and puts me in a good mood. (I really do) Recently we saw Brandon Lake in concert. I have been to a LOT of concerts in my 53 years.... everyone from Neil Diamond, Billy Joel, Garth Brooks, and Rod Stewart to George Strait, Journey, Post Malone and Morgan Wallen (a lot of times... ha ha). Brandon Lake's show is right up at the top of my list. It was incredible. The production—the lights, the sound, the stage, the setlist.... all amazing. His vocals are crazy good. The way he uses his songs and his platform to just share his love for God...I wish I could go again and again.
(To the naysayers who think he's a fake Christian or feel like his message is wrong or whatever, keep it to yourself. God judges, we don't. I don't listen to Brandon Lake because I believe everything he says or sings about. I listen to him because I love his music and it puts ME in the mood to allow God into my heart.)
I always take pictures and videos during concerts. I don't always go back and watch them, but I like to document the memory. When he sang Gratitude, I asked Hubby to record it so I could just be PRESENT. It was incredible. 12,000 people with their hands raised, singing a song that I love so much.
I don't think it's a coincidence that one of my very favorite songs, and one of the best concert moments I've experienced, is also the word I chose that one New Year's Eve when I needed to reset my heart and mind.
Gratitude.
Brandon Lake's concert Saturday May 2
He livestreamed from Charleston, SC (his hometown)
the final night of his tour
