It's after midnight, which means it's officially my 45th birthday.
I'm celebrating. Not in the way I would have expected, but in a way that's very meaningful to me.
As I sit here in Trudy's hospice room, listening to her breathing and the hum of the oxygen machine, I've decided to celebrate.
Celebrate this amazing girl who I've been honored to call my best friend for 33 years. Celebrate her strength. Her compassion. Her loyalty. Her faith. Her family. I look across her bed and see her husband of 25 years dozing in the recliner. (Thank you for sharing her with me) I was able to hug both of her kids earlier tonight.
Even though she is leaving us far sooner than any of us wanted, she will be leaving behind one hell of a legacy. Hers was a life well lived. She was always moving, always planning, always going somewhere, always doing something for someone else. Selfish was not in her vocabulary. She loved people, and the proof is the endless stream of visitors she's had just since I've been here.
My friend Kathryn, also a breast cancer survivor, calls our birthdays "bonus birthdays" now. This is my fifth bonus birthday, and I wouldn't want to be anywhere else in the world right now.
Her hair is a mess, her lips are dry, she slept most of the day (after keeping me up most of last night needing ice chips and asking me if I was awake), but my Trude's still the best birthday date I could ask for.
I will see her tomorrow before I have to get back on a plane to head home, but tonight... just me and her.... this is our time. Time for reflection and remembering. Time for my goodbye.
My heart aches, but Trudy is at peace. She's told me that more than once in the last day and a half. I hope she goes Home soon. God, she's ready and waiting.
Trudy Lee.... Thank you for being you. You've earned your wings. Cancer is no match for our mighty Father, and I'm relieved you will be whole and healed in His presence soon.
I promise to live a life well lived. I promise to bring my kids to Busch Gardens with your kids. I promise to toast you at Pizza Star every summer. I will be better about organizing my linen closets (but you're a hard act to follow!). I will never think of Pepsi, Jolly Cow, popcorn at Target, train rides, road trips, scary movies, Cheap Trick's "The Flame", Lake Taconic, amusement park rides, Carvel ice cream cakes, July 4th in Saugerties, bacon on a hard roll, Sea World, chocolate cake at Denny's at 2am, Ocean Isle Beach or Top Gun without thinking of you. And when I go to Disney this spring to watch my son march with his band in the parade, I know you will be cheering loudly from above your favorite place. It's been my honor and privilege to spend some of your last days with you.
I love you BAH.
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