Kicking cancer's ass - day 1616

Two days ago I received a text that shook me to my core.

It was from my BFF's husband, on her phone, telling me that she was in ICU and they weren't sure she was going to make it.

This picture was taken in 2011..... before breast cancer touched her life.  Before that same cancer touched my life.  Before breast cancer returned to her life.

I met Trudy on the first day of junior high.  She sat in front of me in homeroom (her last name began with KO and mine was KR... with only that pesky Kipp Kramer in between us), and we were inseparable from that day on.  We had other friends, sure, but it was always me and her.  It was sleepovers and trips to the mall and movies and cruising in her mom's blue Camaro and skipping school to go to Wurtsboro for breakfast.  Beach vacations with our families, parties, birthdays and new year's eve parties.  More concerts than I can even remember.

As adults, life took us in different directions, but oddly enough, back to the same places, too.  I lived a few hours from her when she had her first child and I was able to visit when he was only a week old.  Her husband was stationed in Abilene when I had my first child so Trudy was able to meet him when he was only a day old.  They lived in San Antonio when she had her daughter and I was the one she called to come stay with her son while she was in labor.  I was able to meet her baby girl when she was hours old.  She was able to visit me 9 months later when I had my baby girl.  

Even when life took us in very different directions, we've been able to reconnect.  We spent a spring break in San Antonio after she'd moved to Alabama.  We've coordinated trips home to New York in the summer so we could spend time together, most of the time around July 4th.  Last year my kids and I took a detour on the way to NY and spent almost a week at her house in Virginia.  It.Was.Awesome.

In our 33 years of friendship, there have been times where we have been inseparable and there have been times when we've gone months without talking.  Not because we wanted to, but because life gets in the way.  Husbands, kids, school, jobs, families... CANCER.

The year before I was diagnosed with breast cancer, Trudy beat me to it.  If any of you knew us back in the day, you would not be the least bit surprised to find out that not only did we both end up with the same damn disease, but our situations were practically identical.  

She was diagnosed as Stage III.  Me too.  

Her cancer was hormone-receptor positive (estrogen/progesterone).  Me too.  

She was positive for the BRCA2 gene mutation.  Me too.  

She had a bilateral mastectomy and hysterectomy.  Me too.  

She did chemo, surgery, radiation and hormone suppression therapy.  Me too.  

The only difference is that I chose to have reconstruction.  

Trudy was diagnosed last year with a recurrence, which moved her to Stage IV.  Incurable, but hopefully treatable so she can live a long time.  Unfortunately a series of different chemo regimens have stopped some of the cancer from growing, but not all.  If you've ever been through chemo, you know that it takes a tremendous toll.  She was receiving chemo when I saw her in July.  It is now January.... almost February.  That's a long damn time to be getting chemo when your system can barely tolerate it.  

Getting that text on Friday was so heartbreakingly awful, I couldn't process it.  I spent hours in bed crying.  Crying for her.  Crying for her husband.  Crying for me, because I'm so damned far away.  The first thing I thought of, after "I don't want her to die", was "I need to go see her."  I was ready to dry my tears (with the help of Hubby's Xanax) and hop on a plane.  

Yeah... that didn't happen.  You know why?  Not only do I have commitments here, and two kids that are busy with activities, and a job.... but a plane ticket was going to cost almost a THOUSAND DOLLARS.  Where the hell do I live, Bora Bora?  $895 to fly from Texas to Virginia.  This is not a "woe is me" tale about how I can't afford to go see my friend.  I'd make it work.  I'm still trying to figure out how to make it work.  One of our mutual friends just drove from NY to VA to spend 4 hours with Trudy, then turned around and drove home.  I would do that.  I wish I COULD do that.  But it's a 23 hour drive from Texas.  Not 7 or 8 hours.

Since that awful first text, things have improved.  Trudy was diagnosed with pneumonia and a sepsis infection..... serious illnesses on a good day, life-threatening for someone in Trudy's medical condition.  The doctors were questioning whether she would survive it.  Making it through the first night was huge.  Showing signs of improvement all day yesterday was huge.  Wanting to eat and drink something today was huge.  The fact that she's alive and fighting after everything she's been through is huge.

BAH, I know you are weary.  I know your body is weak.  I know cancer is undermining every step you take forward.  But you, my Trude, are a fighter.  You still have girl scout cookies to sell and bowling competitions to watch and roller coasters to ride.  We still have more concerts to go to!  Blake is waiting for us, Trude!

I don't know what tomorrow will bring, or the next day.  I don't know if we will have her for another 2 weeks, 2 years or 2 decades.  All I know is that it won't be enough.  Trudy is the friend that knows all my secrets and loves me anyway.  She shares my love of Pepsi, Bachman pretzel rods and Jax cheese doodles.  Over the last few years she has developed an incredibly strong faith, thanks in part to her son's strong faith.  

Matthew 11:28-30

 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

  

I hope she is resting..... resting up for the fight of her life.  There are so many people who love her.  Everybody likes Trudy.  She's uncomplicated, fun, funny and loyal.  She is a petite redhead without a redhead's temper.  She is a lefty who can't carry a tune in a bucket (something else we have in common), and she doesn't really care what anyone thinks about her.  She's nice to them, they are nice to her.  She has a husband.  She has two kids.  She has a father, a sister, nephews.  She has extended family, and a lot of friends.  And she has me.  There has never been a time, since I was 11 years old, that Trudy was not a part of my life.  I refuse to believe that that time will start now.  She has too much life left to live.

Trudy, you are my hero.  You showed me the way when I had to walk in your shoes.  You never complain, you're never dramatic.... you just take what life throws at you and then move on.  You're the sweetest, funniest friend with the most beautiful heart and I am nowhere near ready to let you go.

Keep fighting.  Stay strong.  Rest and recuperate.  Eat jello when nothing else tastes good.  Drink a slush from Sonic.  Cancer is a formidable opponent.... one you may not be able to beat.  But for now, you can beat it back.  I'm praying for you. My family is praying for you.  My friends are praying for you.  People in my online breast cancer support groups, most of whom haven't even met ME, are praying for you.  You are so important.  And so loved.  Never doubt it. 

 LYLAMP BAH