The red devil. It made me sick. It made me weak. It took my taste buds, my energy and my hair. It gave me migraines, constant nausea and mouth sores.
It also killed my cancer.
When I was faced with the start of treatment, I couldn't even begin to envision my life four years down the road. All I could think about was that I had cancer. There was something in my body trying to kill me. I was 40 years old with two young(ish) children..... I wasn't ready to face my own mortality.
I knew chemo would be no walk in the park, and it wasn't. It sucked. Big time. And I didn't even have it that bad. I was basically a 90 year old bald woman with morning sickness..... that's what I felt like. Everything hurt, I was too tired to do much of anything, and I only had a handful of things I could eat or drink. I drank slushes from Sonic during chemo to try to prevent mouth sores. The Benadryl they gave me in my pre-meds gave me restless legs so I would have to pace the infusion room with my IV pole. I tried using cold caps to save my hair (God bless Hubby for going along with me on that).... they didn't work.
The only thing worse than being a cancer patient is being a cancer patient and looking like a cancer patient. I had a wig (that I hated), but no amount of fake hair or makeup can hide the devastation chemo does to your body. Think about it..... this toxic substance is injected into your bloodstream to kill cancer cells, but there is no way to only target the bad cells. So your whole body suffers. Your hair, your skin, your fingernails, your teeth, your eyesight, your appetite....everything is affected, and not in a good way.
Looking back to four years ago, I was smart to dread chemo. I was right in thinking it would be worse than awful, because it was. I've had seven surgeries and thirty-three radiation treatments, but none of that even came close to the awfulness of those eight chemo treatments.
I'm not writing this to scare anyone. If you have cancer, and you need chemo, DO IT. It's not fun, but you can get through it. I did. There are tips and tricks, things you can eat, drink, take or do to make it bearable. You won't enjoy any part of it, but you'll survive it.... and hopefully your cancer won't.
Today I had an appointment with my surgical oncologist. Other than my sudden onset of lymphedema, I got the "everything looks good, come back in six months".
After four years of doctor visits, scans, blood draws, surgeries, infusions, radiation and physical therapy, a six month checkup is just a blip on my radar.
I'm beyond grateful for what's in my rearview mirror.... and blessed beyond measure to have my Hubby, my kids, my family, and wonderful friends in my corner.
I can't think of a better way to snub my nose at cancer than to turn a checkup into a fun girls day road trip. Wonderful company, good tunes, lots of laughs and even chocolate cake..... 1460 days and still kicking ass!
1 comment:
I really enjoyed reading this....it describes chemo to a T, but like you I don't regret it one bit.
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