Kicking cancer's ass - day 1480

Do you want to know what's terrifying?

Waking up from a sound sleep for no reason.... then realizing that my heart is racing, my thoughts are scattered, I'm filled with fear.  Nightmare?  I wish that's all it was.

I have *that* feeling.

Every time this has happened to me..... always at night..... this feeling that something bad is going to happen?  It happens.

Every.Single.Time.

I'm not just talking about waking up with a cold, or having a bad hair day, or losing my car keys.  When I get this feeling, it's usually a life or death situation.   I don't know who, or what, or where, or even when..... but this feeling always leads to bad news coming my way.

Tomorrow my son is riding 4+ hours on the bus to a football game.

Tomorrow my daughter is riding 4 hours with a friend to the football game.

Tomorrow Hubby and I are driving 3 hours to Dallas, then another hour to the football game.

That's a lot of hours, and miles, for something bad to happen.

I had cancer.  My best friend has cancer.  

My mom had cancer.  One of her best friends has cancer.

My dad has a myriad of health problems stemming from a heart attack and stroke (and yes, I had "that feeling" right before that happened).

That's too many people in my little circle with serious, scary health issues. 

Tomorrow I'm having a chest CT scan.  The purpose is to see if they can discover a reason for my sudden onset of lymphedema.  As a cancer patient, having a feeling of foreboding the night before a CT scan is enough to send me into a panic attack.

It's 1:48am and all I can do is worry about tomorrow.  Will this be the time "that feeling" is wrong?  Or do I just have to wait until bad news hits me like a ton of bricks?

Do me a favor:  be extra careful.  Do it for me.