Channeling my inner Allyson Hendrickson here. I don't know if you can consider it insomniac blogging if it's not the middle of the night, so give me a little leeway. Last night I was fast asleep on the couch before my ten year old daughter went to bed. (Hint: she didn't stay up late) Tonight it's 11pm and I'm wide awake. There is no rhyme or reason to my sleep pattern (or lack of). There is also no rhyme or reason to my post tonight... just some random musings about my life lately.
- Speaking of Allyson Hendrickson, I miss her. I miss having friends like her. Friends who lifted me up. Friends who made me laugh. Friends who loved me and my family unconditionally. Allyson never once disappointed me, and she was true right down to her bones. That can't be said about too many people in my life these days. Even in her darkest days, she found ways to be there for me in MY darkest days. She cared, and I knew it.
(No offense to the true people I do still have in my life... you know who you are and you know I love you.)
- Hubby doesn't think his neck surgery worked. He's been having nerve pain by his shoulder blade the last week or so. He has his six week follow up with the surgeon Wednesday, so it'll be interesting to hear what Dr. M has to say. It took a LOT for my hubby to bite the bullet and have surgery, and to think it might not have fixed him? Ugh. Living with chronic pain is awful. Prayers for him would be appreciated.
- Speaking of Hubby.... a few weeks ago he lost his wedding ring. He doesn't know where. He doesn't know when. He just knew one day he looked down and it wasn't on his finger. It wasn't loose, so it's highly unlikely that it fell off. It's a mystery. What's even a bigger mystery is why the cleaning lady at work found it in the trash can! First of all, WHY was it in the trash can, and how did it get there? Second, why was she LOOKING in the trash can? Told you... it's a mystery.
- I do not like video games. This is unacceptable to my children, who are obsessed with them. If not video games, then YouTube videos of other people playing video games. How is this fun? My kids will start telling me about the latest game they discovered and my eyes glaze over. Even worse, they'll try to tell me about someone they follow on YouTube who posted a new video. Um. I don't care! Give me a slot machine to play, or a football game to watch, or a book to read.... then I'll be interested!
- Tomorrow I have to have a chest CT scan. This isn't cancer-related (I hope!), but it is illness-related. My chest x-ray before Christmas when I was really sick showed a shadow on my lung. They said it was suspicious for pneumonia. After three rounds of antibiotics and a week with Tamiflu, I was still coughing and my chest x-ray still looked the same. That concerned my doctor enough to order the CT scan. I haven't had any cancer-related scans since I finished chemo over three years ago.
If I had never had cancer, I would just be complaining about this stupid cough that won't go away. Since I did have cancer, my mind immediately pounces on the "shadow on my lung" part and thinks the worst. I'm thankful that I haven't had to suffer through "scanxiety" in years... but on the other hand, without a technological peek inside my body, who knows what is lurking in there?!?!?!? Prayers for me at 1pm would be appreciated. Actually, forget that. Prayers for me until I get the results from my doctor would be appreciated. The scan is a piece of cake. It's the waiting and not knowing that sucks.
- Whatever happens with Hubby on Wednesday, I know he will deal with it. He's the strongest person I know. I hope there is a logical explanation for his pain and that his symptoms are relieved over time.
Whatever happens with me tomorrow, I know I will deal with it. I've been kicking ass for one thousand, two hundred a forty-four days. I don't often feel strong, but I never lose faith and I never give up.
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