Kicking cancer's ass - day 787

This picture seems appropriate today, since it has rained over six inches in the past two days.  But a blog post about rain is boring.  A blog post about blessings is so not boring. 

My life is full of blessings.  I know that.  I have a husband who would do anything for me.  I have beautiful children, a family that loves me and friends who always have my back.  But every once in a while, God sends down an unexpected blessing that warms my heart even more.

This morning I woke up to see this on Facebook:

Cati is a good person, a fun lady, a great mom.  She's someone I'm friendly with, but not the "hey, want to go to lunch?" kind of friend.  To know that I was on her mind, that she was honoring my fight in her run today, both touched and surprised me.  

Thank you Cati.

Kicking cancer's ass - day 785

Restless legs syndrome.

The bane of my existence.  It has been ever since I was a teenager, back when I just called it "jumpy legs" because there wasn't an official term for it.  That, and headaches, are two things I've always suffered from. Some things never change.

Apparently going off Tamoxifen and starting Arimidex triggered both. I had the worst headache last night, and two rounds of restless legs (even though I rode my exercise bike at 9pm).  My active night was exhausting. I took a two hour nap on the couch this afternoon and now at 9pm I feel like I could doze off.

Am I just getting old? Worn out from the last two years?  Suffering from side effects from medicine that's going to keep me cancer free?

There are worse things than being tired. There are worse things than having a headache or having to walk circles in my living room at 11pm. Way worse things. So if that's what I have to deal with, bring it.  I won't like it, I'll complain every damn night,  but I'll deal with it. Because those worse things?  They really sucked and I dealt with them, too.

Kicking cancer's ass - day 784

Happy 75th Birthday to my wonderful dad!  

Opa, we love and miss you and can't wait to see you again!

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On a side note, today I am starting a new medicine.  I have been taking Tamoxifen for eighteen months to block estrogen production in my body.  However, Tamoxifen has proven more effective in pre-menopausal women, where another class of medicines have been proven more effective in post-menopausal women.  Since I had a hysterectomy, that puts me in the second group - hence the switch.  

I'm not overly thrilled.  From the Arimidex web site:

• Women with a history of blockages in heart arteries (ischemic heart disease) who take ARIMIDEX may have a slight increase in this type of heart disease compared to similar patients who take tamoxifen
• ARIMIDEX can cause bone softening/weakening (osteoporosis) increasing the chance of fractures. In a clinical study in early breast cancer, there were more fractures (including fractures of the spine, hip, and wrist) with ARIMIDEX (10%) than with tamoxifen (7%)
• In a clinical study in early breast cancer, some patients taking ARIMIDEX had an increase in cholesterol. Skin reactions, allergic reactions, and changes in blood tests of liver function have also been reported
• In the early breast cancer clinical trial, the most common side effects seen with ARIMIDEX include hot flashes, joint symptoms (including arthritis and arthralgia), weakness, mood changes, pain, back pain, sore throat, nausea and vomiting, rash, depression, high blood pressure, osteoporosis, fractures, swelling of arms/legs, insomnia, and headache

So...while I wasn't a fan of Tamoxifen, it was the devil I knew.  Arimidex has a lot of the same side effects, with a few exceptions.  Arimidex is harder on the heart.  Arimidex weakens the bones, where Tamoxifen strengthens them.  Arimidex can raise cholesterol.  Arimidex causes more severe joint pain - which I already have on Tamox.  

And the biggie, for me, that's not listed - weight gain.  Both my BFF and my sister-in-law started on Arimidex and gained a significant amount of weight.  I've already put on 20 pounds with Tamoxifen....I really don't want to add any more!  My sis-in-law has since switched to Tamoxifen and has been able to lose some weight.  My BFF is still on Arimidex and has finally been able to lose some weight (but she's trying HARD!).  

I know, I know, it sounds petty.  What's a few pounds when compared to keeping cancer away, right?  If you've ever struggled with your weight, then you know why I feel the way I do.  Would I rather be fat and happy and alive, or skinny and fighting cancer all over again?  You know the answer to that.  I just wish those weren't my only two choices.  

You never know.  Everyone is different, and maybe I'll be one of the lucky ones who have an easier time on Arimidex than Tamoxifen.  It can happen.

Kicking cancer's ass - day 783

Truth.

Kicking cancer's ass - day 777

A couple of months ago I read those verses at my mother's wedding.  I don't quote a lot of scripture, but that's probably one of the few I can recite by heart.  Those sentences describe my husband and our marriage better than anything I could come up with.  He has the patience of a saint with me.  He knows me inside and out, and still loves me anyway.  He always puts my welfare above his own.  He is kind.  I need him and he's always there for me to lean on.  He always protects.  Our love always perseveres.

Tomorrow marks fourteen years of marriage, and he has never failed me.  I'm a lucky girl.

For better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health...... I still do.

Happy Anniversary Hubby!

Kicking cancer's ass - day 776

I was going to write a big long post about how lousy people can be, but this says it all....

It sucks when you give, give, give and it's still not enough.  No matter how hard you try, someone always finds fault with what you do.  I'm human so I don't always do or say things perfectly, but I give 110% and I try my hardest to make everything right.  It's upsetting to me that no matter what, most people are in it for themselves, and being nice makes me an easy scapegoat when things don't go their way.  I may be naive, and too nice, but I am NOT a liar and don't appreciate my integrity being questioned.

The end.

Kicking cancer's ass - day 765

Kicking cancer's ass - day 764

I'm a riser

I'm a get off of the ground, don't run and hider

When pushin' comes to shove

Hey I'm a fighter

When darkness comes to town, I'm a lighter

A get out a-liver, of the fire

Survivor