I just might need to, considering it's an insomniac blogging kind of night. Almost 2am.... my morning alarm is going to suck.
The weird thing about insomnia is that it hits me when I'm SO tired. I just want to close my eyes and sleep.... but I can't.
So... here we go:
First and foremost on my mind...before you complain, have you volunteered yet?
I received a very thorough dressing down via email today. I don't get mad very often, but after reading that email I.WAS.MAD. If I take a step back and ignore the personal attack, it's actually quite funny. People get bent out of shape over the dumbest things. They are so self-centered and quick to criticize, and yet when you ask for help, suddenly they aren't so vocal. I bust my ass at my volunteer position. The amount of emails/texts/phone calls I get is astronomical. I can't even begin to count how many hours I spend, on my own time, often away from my family. And yet, for some, it's not enough. The worst part? This person who thought to give me a lesson in how to do my volunteer job? A little more than half my age. GOOD GRIEF.
I know there are a lot of people who appreciate what I do. I know I'm making a difference, and that's the important part. But sometimes all it takes is one instance like today to totally defeat me. I actually said "I quit". Of course I didn't mean it, but in that moment, I kinda did.
I wanted to say... you think you can do a better job? Have at it.
I wanted to say... you think getting this worked up over a minor issue on your THREE YEAR OLD'S tee ball team is worth it?
I wanted to say... my kid doesn't even play in this league and I'm doing a thousand times more than you are to make sure YOUR kid can play!
I wanted to say... I AM A VOLUNTEER!
In the end, I did say some of those things, and a lot more (a LOT). But you know what? If some young punk has the right to criticize me, then I have the right to set him straight on his misconceptions.
Volunteering is a thankless job. I don't do it for thanks, but I sure as hell don't do it for insults either.
Today the Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris burned. It made me so sad. I'm not Catholic. I've never been to France. But seeing the pictures of such an iconic, historic, incredibly beautiful building on fire made my heart hurt.
Dexter is a funny, funny dog. He snores. A lot. Sometimes with his eyes open. Sometimes he wakes himself up. (Sound familiar Grammie??) We got him a new collar. It's Dallas Cowboys blue with silver stars. He's a true Texan now.
Today was a first for me. I went to a florist with my son to order a corsage. He is going to PROM. Holy cow. His date isn't a "date" date.... she's the only sophmore in their group of friends and if you're not a junior or a senior then you need to be the date of one. So J is taking a date to prom. Eight words I never thought I'd say. Ha!
My daughter and her friends started playing Dungeons and Dragons. The crazy, sad part is that my brother used to play that when we were kids, and I actually had a moment the other day where I thought, "I need to call Darren and tell him about K playing D&D." Sigh. The loss of my big brother is still gut-wrenching.
I hate lymphedema. With a passion. Compression garments suck. The constant ache sucks. The puffy hand and lumpy arm and nonexistent elbow all suck. Dr C said it can take up to a year to see full results from the surgery I had. Judging by the lack of improvement I've had, I'm not very hopeful that my case will be a success. I want to live a long, long time. But knowing I'll have to live a long, long time with this disease that nobody knows about or understands or can do anything about is depressing.
Speaking of surgery.... one of my mom's coworkers has to have surgery. She went to NYC to meet with the doctor, and guess what? HER doctor was one of MY favorite doctors in Dallas! Dr K was my gynecological oncologist until she moved to New York a couple of years ago. What a small world we live in.
Even though it'll be a short night, I suppose it's time to sleep away my troubles.
Tomorrow... well, today...is a new day.
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