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I am a wife, a mom, a daughter, a sister and a friend.
I've learned that who you have in your life matters more than what you have.
Thank you for stepping in to my world!

Tuesday, December 27, 2022

Kicking cancer's ass - day 3409 - MY STORY



Over the last 15+ years I have used this blog as a journal for my thoughts and feelings. For the majority of the last decade, those feelings mostly revolved around my cancer diagnosis and treatment. 

This post will not be about that. I'm using this as an outlet for my thoughts and feelings regarding what has happened at the family business over the last six-plus months and how I have been treated by my so-called "family".  There has been a division in our family, and one side has 100% controlled the narrative up to this point.  I don't know yet if I'll even post this, and if I do, I don't know who I will share it with. However, some things have happened over the last few days to steal some of my Christmas joy this year and I can't keep quiet anymore. I won't.  

Have you ever been accused of something you did not do?  Or several somethings?  Have you been painted the villain so someone else can wallow in being the victim?  Have you been talked about, had lies spread about you, and been disrespected?  

I hope not.  Because I have, and it SUCKS.  

In case I do post this, in order for you to understand how everything fits, Boyd & Marty are the owners of the business, and Susie & myself have shared office/secretary/bookkeeping duties for the last four years.  She is Marty's wife.  I am Boyd's wife.  So.... family.


Total transparency, I'm going to be saying more than I should about work and family and the people involved will not like me sharing all of this, but I need to GET.IT.OUT.  

Earlier this year, things at work were difficult. Financially. Like most small businesses, we were hurting thanks to slow business because of COVID, increasing costs of everything, and a big project that went way past schedule and just drained the company financially.  It was almost to the point of no return. We were *this* close to shutting the doors and losing everything.  There were some weeks we barely had enough money for payroll.  

At the end of May, the financial advisor for both Royal and our family approached me with an idea. I went into his office to make a payment (unrelated to work), and HE invited ME to stay and discuss something.  He has a lot of history with the family and the business, and he was very, very concerned. He had met with Boyd and Marty and they were trying to come up with a plan to save the company. In the meantime, he made a suggestion (to me) that someone (and he recommended me) take over all of the accounting... becoming a chief financial officer of sorts. He said someone needs to have their finger on the financial pulse of the company if we had any hope of pulling through. He is our personal financial advisor, and he knows how Boyd and I handle our money.  He also knows that Marty and Susie have not always been as careful, and have no real plan for retirement. This man knows how to be successful financially, and he was concerned and helping us with NO benefit for himself.

I never mentioned that meeting to Boyd, or that this suggestion was made to me. I figured it would have to come from the financial advisor. He did discuss it with them at their next meeting, and Boyd told me about it. I immediately started making a "business plan"... breaking down what my job duties were vs what Susie did, what we shared, what could be changed/improved, etc.  I was fired up to make changes that could hopefully help turn things around.

At the same time, Susie made a list of our job duties according to her. Her list included some things we both did, certain aspects of the job that she has taken on since the previous office manager (John) left, and other things like water the plant, stocking the fridge with drinks and snacks, replace air fresheners and spraying for bugs. She did not include many of the major tasks that only I do (like maintain all of the job costs and handle all of the union reports & benefits). 

Boyd and I compared her list and mine and made a spreadsheet with different versions of how we could separate everything, where one person is doing the majority of the accounting duties and the other would be more of a secretary/office manager. 
The idea was to eliminate double work and prevent things from falling through the cracks. I am very schedule and computer oriented, very comfortable with spreadsheets and letting the accounting system do what it's supposed to.  On the other hand, Susie is very list-driven and preferred paper files and manually adding things up. 
It was very frustrating to me to have to make lists of things that the accounting system could spit out in seconds. I did not want to write something down on a clipboard that is already being entered into the accounting program.  I wanted to start paying most things online... eliminate late fees and save money by not having to buy as many checks, envelopes and stamps. Marty and Susie did not want to do email statements or online payments. They wanted the paper bill in the mail and a physical check written.  The problem with this is that most vendors have moved to online statements, so even though we would receive an invoice in the mail, we would also receive the same one in email.  There were multiple instances that something was paid twice because of this.  We were also being charged late fees because checks were being mailed on their due date, not mailed in time to be received BY the due date.

I felt like the two of us had very different ways of doing the same job, and I was getting tired of doing double work. Things were being missed, or duplicated.  When something would come along that was done incorrectly, I would leave detailed instructions on how to do it the next time. 
An example of this is making partial payments on credit cards.  Instead of entering the full amount due from the credit card statement into the accounting system and then applying the partial payment, Susie would not enter the invoice at all, and just write a check for whatever amount she was paying.  This does not allow for the remaining unpaid balance to stay in the system as an outstanding bill, and it doesn't charge the amounts to the correct accounts (like gas, postage, material, etc).  From an accounting standpoint, everything has to be entered and charged appropriately. Susie made this error on two different occasions earlier this year.  I left detailed instructions on how to do it correctly next time, and she ignored those and did the same thing a few months later. 
Another example is promissory notes.  Instead of entering borrowed money received as a loan, Susie was using the "receive money from customer" option, which charges the amount to sales.  If we borrow $15,000 from someone, that is NOT sales.
Another example is spreadsheets.  Instead of making new tabs in the same file for each new month or job or whatever, Susie would just overwrite whatever was on the current sheet, so there was no electronic record of anything prior to the current one. 
If we receive an invoice but Marty or Boyd tell us to hold payment on it, the invoice should be entered into the accounting system with the "hold for payment" box checked.  That way the invoice still shows as a current accounts payable due, but it won't allow us to pay it until that box is unchecked.  There are physical folders to keep held invoices after they are processed and entered in the system.  When Susie would receive an invoice to be held, she would not enter it into the system or make a copy for the job folder... she would just stick it in the held folder and manually write it on a list.  Unless you knew it was there or looked at her list attached to the folder, nobody would know that this invoice even exists or that it still needed to be paid.
When an invoice is supposed to be charged to a certain job, a copy of that invoice needs to go into the job folder so I can add it to the job cost.  There were numerous times I discovered that did not happen, so the job cost spreadsheet did not accurately reflect what the job was actually costing. 

Instead of taking my instructions as knowledge from someone who was college-educated in accounting, Susie took it as me telling her we needed to do things my way.  MY way.  I never imagined trying to bring business operations into the current century and following the correct accounting principles could be misconstrued so badly.  We were running a business.  It wasn't play time.    

There is a big chasm between Marty & Susie's preferred way of doing things "the way we've always done" and a more streamlined, automated method of keeping track of all of the accounting. Every change I tried to implement was met with resistance from both of them.

Again, I was not trying to "take over" and make everything "my way".  I was trying to update/automate/streamline as much as I could and bring the business administration and bookkeeping up to date, instead of relying on manual lists and hard copies that could get lost.

Boyd and Marty discussed our spreadsheet with the division of duties. Marty did not agree with the financial advisor and did not want me (or anyone, but especially me) overseeing all of the accounting. Boyd even told him it doesn't have to be me. We were only suggesting me because I was willing to take it all on, working every day and longer hours if needed (for the same pay!), and we weren't sure if Susie was interested in the same. Marty then went home(!) to discuss with Susie - WHEN IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN DISCUSSED AT WORK WITH ALL OF US - and she adamantly refused to consider any part of our idea.

Susie was insulted and felt attacked by us.  She wanted to quit.  She kept saying that she loved this job and always thought it would be the one she retired from.  She did not come to Boyd's surprise 60th birthday party and we did not speak for weeks.  Every time any of this was brought up for discussion, it was always between Boyd and Marty, and then Marty would go home to talk to Susie.  Despite it being 100% about work, he constantly made it personal by catering to her feelings and talking to her at home, away from me and Boyd. Not once did Marty or Susie express interest in hearing from/talking to me.  My explanations, my reasoning for things, my advice, my opinions... did not matter to them at all. 

I sent Susie an email (because she would not talk to me) and I apologized to her for the way we made her feel and told her our intentions were only to try to improve things for the business, NOT to hurt her.  To me, this was NEVER personal and never about "taking over" or "pushing her out".  Boyd and I both apologized to her because our intentions were never to hurt her feelings.  It was BUSINESS and feelings should never have even come into play.  But I also told her that I would not apologize for trying to save my family's future.  Susie did not respond to me, other than putting passive-aggressive posts on Facebook about toxic people that I knew were directed at me and Boyd.  She admitted to Marty that she'd been posting them because she wanted to "tell her side".  I finally got tired of seeing them so I unfriended her.  She knew what she was doing by posting those, and she knew the minute I unfriended her.  You don't get a notification when someone unfriends you, so she had to have been checking my Facebook page often to see if we were still "friends".  Once I unfriended her, she turned right around and unfriended Boyd.

For years, Susie and I each worked five days on, five days off, and would leave a note for the other person when they were coming back to work.  To me, this was part of the problem with sharing the job, because unless it was in those notes, one of us didn't really know what the other was doing.  

One of the biggest issues I have, other than them (especially her) disrespecting me, is that from the day all of this started, I made it clear (to Boyd, who made it clear to them) that I was willing to work every day, longer hours, whatever it took, to try to make things better and more organized for the shop.  Not once did Susie say the same.  She was happy to work her few days a week, most of the time bringing her infant granddaughter to work with her.  Her desire to work at this job until she could retire, in my opinion, is because it was laid back, she could do what she wanted and she was hoping to "float her way through" the next few years.  THAT is why she didn't want anything to change.  The problem is that this is not some mom & pop shop that we are running, and flubbing her way through something that needed to be treated like a BUSINESS with rules and regulations was not working.  She has no real understanding of computers, spreadsheets or accounting principles, and any effort by me to explain was met with rudeness and her hurt feelings because I was trying to "take over". You can't run a $2 million dollar business in 2022 by doing things the way they were done in 1970. 

Mid-July, Marty asked to talk to Boyd about work.  He mostly wanted to talk about the family/work dynamic and how bad things were between all of us.  He said that Susie complained about how our notes to each other when we traded off used to be friendly, and now mine are 3-4 pages long.  She's right.  I told Boyd that's because I was done fixing her mess ups and not saying anything.  I had been "covering" for her for years, and the errors kept piling up, making more work for me to fix everything.  One week I spent 20 HOURS fixing the credit card payments.  If there was something done incorrectly (not just not "my" way, but WRONG), I was going to fix it and let her know the right way to do it, so maybe it would be done correctly the next time.  I also told him that Susie was the one who started leaving the notes "unfriendly", as her last one ended with a "That's it".  She 100% took everything I left for her as "this is how I want to do it" instead of what it was - how things should be done from an accounting standpoint.

She told Marty mid-July that she was going to go up there that weekend and get all of her stuff because she was quitting.  Marty talked her out of it.  They did reluctantly agree to let me do the accounting, so I'd be doing payroll each week and paying the bills each month.  This meant a change in schedule, which SHE dictated.  She sent home a color coded calendar(!) with which days she would work and which days I would work for the rest of the year, instead of all of us coming up with a plan for this together. I let that go and just went to work on the days she had scheduled me.  (Talk about "taking over"!!)  One of the days I got there after her few days of work, there was a note left for me.  She told me that she had been diagnosed with stage 4 kidney disease and she wasn't sure how much longer she'd be able to work, so for now she wanted to keep working to keep her mind off of it.

First of all, this was yet another "victim" play.  She agreed to let me do the accounting, but then had to turn it right back around so the focus was on her.  I'm not denying that she has this condition, I know kidney disease runs in her family, and I'm very sorry that she has this condition (and I told her that).  It's quite the coincidence that it was never brought up before that, though.  Kidney disease doesn't happen overnight.  Also, if she wasn't sure how much longer she would be able to work, why in the world would she be so against having a lighter work load?  When John was still there, Susie and I would often talk about how neither one of us wanted to work full time, and she never once changed that position.  She never once offered to work more, or longer hours, to take on more of the job duties, and instead tells me she won't be able to work much longer.  I have been dealing with health issues ever since my cancer diagnosis, so I am the last person to make light of someone for something like kidney disease.  However, it makes no sense why she would be SO ADAMANT against changing things up and lightening up her load, and then turn around and say she might not be able to work much longer.  Why would she create such a huge issue about all of this, act like she was the only one suffering in this whole situation, if her health was going to prevent her from working eventually anyway?  

All of this has taken a huge toll on everyone, not just Susie.  The stress that all four of us were under was unreal.  In fact, it was this stress that caused Boyd to have such a severe case of shingles over the summer, he had to walk with a cane.  She was NOT the only injured party. She recently told Boyd that she wished Marty would retire, because he "worries about every little thing now."  Boyd couldn't believe her... he told her "I DO TOO!"  Do they honestly believe they are the only ones affected by any of this?  How self-absorbed can you be?  

In August, Marty and Susie had COVID.  She had only worked a couple of days before they had to quarantine, and towards the end of the month they were going on a cruise.  Because of that, and not knowing if she would even be able to come back to work before their vacation, I took care of the tasks for that month that she would normally do.  One of those is reconciling the accounting for the month, which she later accused me of "taking away from her".  Another is the sales tax.  This is something I learned to do when I started there, but I had not done it in years.  Susie had been the one to process and file the sales tax return every month since the John retired.  It has to be filed/paid by the 20th of each month, and considering Susie had COVID and I didn't know when she'd be back, Boyd told me to go ahead and do it for that month.   

In the process of working on this, it seemed to me like the sales tax spreadsheet was wrong.  Like REALLY wrong.  Instead of calculating 8.25% of the total sales amount, the spreadsheet was calculating 8.25% of 8.25%!  One month we collected $1600 in sales tax and her payment to the state of Texas was $0.89.  How could she not notice that???  Whatever Royal Electric collects for sales tax is the amount that should be paid that month.  Simple. If you collect $500, then your sales tax return would include a $500 payment.  I sent the spreadsheet to our accountant to make sure I was looking at it correctly.  I knew approaching either Marty or Susie about this after all of this turmoil and saying Susie had been doing it wrong would NOT go over well at all, so I wanted to be sure.  The accountant agreed with me, and said "that spreadsheet is way wrong."  

Somehow over the last few years, Susie had changed/messed up the spreadsheet so badly (because she doesn't really know how to use spreadsheets) that it wasn't calculating anything correctly.  I couldn't even look on the file to see when things were changed, because instead of saving each month as a new sheet, she would just delete the numbers and put the new month in.  The ONLY record I had to go by was the hard copy of each month's return.  I had previously shown her how to create a new "page" in an excel spreadsheet, so for all of the files we work with (job cost, certified payroll, sales tax, etc), each month could have a new page while still saving the old sheet.  Susie never did learn this and would always just erase the previous month and enter the new information, essentially deleting anything before that.  This is a nightmare for recordkeeping, and is easily avoided by a simple click of the mouse to add another sheet.  Again, instead of learning something new and relatively easy, Susie bristled at me trying to make her do things "my way".  

I asked the accountant how to proceed with the sales tax, and she said that I needed to go back and check the previous four years worth of tax returns, because if we were to be audited, that's how far back the state would go.  This took me over a week. In the process of re-checking the past four years of sales tax returns, I discovered that many of the months were reported incorrectly, and we had underpaid almost $8,000.  I had to recalculate each of the previous months (4 years!!), re-file all of them with the state and pay each month's return.  Each month that we owed money also had interest and fees tacked on.  In all, her errors resulted in Royal having to pay all of that unpaid sales tax at one time, plus over $1200 in fees and interest.  That's not good at any time, but when things are already tight financially, it was AWFUL.  And guess what?  When Boyd told Marty about the sales tax issue, Marty went HOME to talk to Susie about it, even though she was scheduled to come in to work an hour later.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?  Marty should have had her sit down with him AND BOYD AT THE OFFICE, but he had to once again cater to her personal feelings and bring work issues home.  All of this took place on a day I wasn't there, so it was easy to blame me for whatever way I harmed her this time. It was her huge mistake that I discovered, so of course they were not going to let me be involved in any of the conversation. 

At no point did Susie admit to messing up.  She never once took responsibility or showed any remorse for screwing up so badly.  She never apologized for making an error that cost thousands of dollars.  Instead, she spent the two days she was at work between COVID and vacation double-checking MY amended returns and arguing with some of the numbers.  She said the sales tax was her job and there was no reason for me to do it  (even though she was out for almost the whole month?!?!?) and she didn't believe that Boyd told me to do it that month.  She was upset because I "took over" the reconciling and I "took over" the sales tax... when all I did was complete those tasks the one month that she was out of work for the majority of. Marty never once acknowledged that her lack of computer skills and basic accounting concepts ended up costing the shop a lot of money.  I would have been SO UPSET if I had made such a monumental mistake, month after month, year after year, and someone else discovered it.  Not her.  She was just mad that I took over "her" job that month.  If I hadn't, who knows how much more money we would owe in back taxes to this day.  

On August 17, Susie pushed me past my limit.  She sent a scathing email to me, Boyd and Marty, with the subject "quitting work effective Jan 25, 2023".  In the email, she was rude and disrespectful towards me, harping on how awful she's been treated, and how I am to blame for everything that has happened.  Not at any point in her email did she even use my name... it was all "her" and "she".  She said "She is smarter and more savvy to computers than me and she is making damn sure I know it.  She has caused this family to divide and two brothers to clash.  It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see whats happening here."  

The bottom line is that Susie had a cake job, and wanted to coast her way through it until she could retire, and didn't even care if she was doing it correctly.  Just because something has been done the same way for forty years doesn't mean it's the right way to do it now.  She and Marty recently told Boyd that they don't understand why anything had to change.  You know why?  Because the business was on its last legs and things weren't working!!  Because I've been covering her ass for years... spending hours and days fixing things and correcting her mistakes, over and over, and I was tired of it.  I never once got a thank you or "wow, I can't believe I did that".  All I got was blame for "taking over".  

Susie has been hateful toward me and never once owned any part of this drama.  SHE is the injured party.  SHE is the one who is hurt.  SHE is the one who was pushed out of a job.  

I told Boyd that day that I refused to share that job with her one more day, let alone until January.  She picked that date because that's when she turns 62 and could "retire".  I told him that I would work all day every day and do the entire job for the same pay, but not if she was still there.  Her email was HORRIBLE.  Again, Marty went home to talk to her.  When he came back, Boyd told me it was decided that she would retire, but the shop would continue to pay her until she turns 62 in January.  

Over the last four months, I have put my head down and done my job.  I have worked every day, and longer hours, doing everything I was doing plus her part of the job.  I have been cordial to Marty, never speaking to him about any of this, or bringing her up.  I have tried to maintain a friendly work environment, despite everything.  I am the secretary, receptionist, accountant, payroll and human resources manager and IT person.  I have not contacted her and vice versa.  I *thought* we were all moving forward.

WRONG.  Apparently she and Marty are still leaders of the I hate Michelle club.  To this day, she still bad mouths me to everyone.  She is 100% the victim and the whole situation is my fault.

She has accused me of password-protecting everything so she couldn't access anything.  That is NOT true.  The ONLY file I added a password to was the new sales tax spreadsheet that I had to make, because she had screwed up the original spreadsheet so royally.  I worked for an entire week on fixing the spreadsheet and recalculating four years worth of returns... I did not want her to have the chance to mess the new up before I came back to work.  There is NOTHING else to do with our job that I password protected or excluded her from.

Susie has accused me of pushing her out of the job because I wanted her gone.  I never ONCE suggested that.  None of this was my idea.  Taking over the accounting to hopefully get a handle on the finances was a suggestion that came from a very successful financial advisor - NOT MY IDEA.  Was I on board with it?  Very much so.  I am a quick learner, good with computers and I have a degree in business administration & accounting.  Why wouldn't I be willing to take on whatever I needed to for a company that is my and my husband's sole livelihood?  We have a lot of money invested in it (much more than they do), and we still have kids at home.  We can not afford to lose the business.  

I have also learned that Susie was monitoring my google search history.  Who does that??  She told Boyd and Marty "Did you know Michelle was looking for another job?" Of course I was.  Why wouldn't I?  The job situation I was in was miserable and I didn't want to deal with her one more day.  Maybe if she paid more attention to the work she was supposed to be doing correctly instead of spying on me, she wouldn't have kept messing things up.  She was also petty enough to compare how much the shop paid each month for my gas versus hers, ignoring the fact that she used her company card for dry cleaning each month, meals for her grandkids and even a chiropractor appointment.

The hypocrisy is unbelievable.  She thinks, and has everyone else convinced, that she comes up smelling like roses in all of this.  But she is spiteful, hateful and vindictive.  And dishonest.  Many of the things she has told Marty are 100% not true, but he doesn't understand our job duties enough to believe otherwise.  And he hasn't always been honest either.  Several years ago they made some poor (personal) financial choices and didn't even tell Boyd, even though it very much affects a business in which they share 50/50 ownership.  Since then, the company has had difficulty getting necessary bonds for jobs because of that (they give you reasons when you are denied, and that is always one of them).  Why they didn't think this was something Boyd should be made aware of is beyond me.

Throughout all of this, Boyd and I have never once said anything to our kids.  Justin, Jared & Kelsie were not involved in any part of this.  We haven't talked bad about Marty or Susie to them, and never let on that anything was wrong at work.  We've never even spoken to Martin about it, even though he also works for the company.  Boyd and I were determined to keep this AT WORK.  We knew I (and maybe he) would not be welcome at family functions that they were at, but we never once spoke to any family member about them or the situation, and we did not ever prevent Jared or Kelsie from spending time with them.

The same can not be said about them.  Turns out Susie has spread her hate and lies, talking about me to Martin, his wife Danielle, and even Justin.  Justin is BOYD'S son, and has NO connection or investment in the business.  She and Marty should NEVER have talked to him about any of this.  She told Justin all about how this was my plan... to get rid of her, and how I password protected everything and took over every part of the job.  She blames me for the entire situation and has let everyone know it.  She is doing everything she can, still to this day, to make people think badly of me.

When Boyd confronted him,  Marty said he told Justin because Justin asked.  When that happened, Marty should have said "You should ask your dad".  Instead, they wanted to control the narrative, throwing me under the bus and letting Susie continue to play the victim... even with OUR son.

We always buy Christmas gifts for Martin & Danielle's kids.  I sent them a text on Friday asking if they could stop by (my exact words) sometime this weekend so we could give the kids their gifts.  I told them I didn't mean to pull them in yet another direction, because I knew they'd be spending time with Marty & Susie, plus Danielle's family.  They said they would come by on Sunday when Justin's family was here.  According to Susie, I texted that I didn't want to ruffle anyone's feathers and she took my invitation as a "dig" at her. She accused me of trying to cut them out and take over with her grandkids. WHAT?!? Seriously?? Because we had Christmas gifts for our nephews and niece? After not hearing from her personally in over four months, I got a text late Friday night saying "Martin and Danielle will NOT be coming over Sunday."  I later learned that Martin & Danielle were at their house that night, and so was Justin.

I can honestly say that I had ZERO thoughts in my head about Marty & Susie when I invited Martin's family over.  We have gifts for their kids, it was Christmas weekend, they live around the corner (literally) and I invited them to stop over.  That's it.  Whatever is between me & Boyd and Marty & Susie has NOTHING to do with anyone else.  The fact that Susie took it personally as another attack is more proof that she is way too insecure, way too immature and way too self-absorbed. She asked (probably told) Martin & Danielle not to go to our house or if respect for her.  She will never ever give up being the victim, even when something has NOTHING to do with her. She even accused us of throwing away their Christmas gift to Kelsie because Kelsie hadn't acknowledged it.  You know why?  Because that's something vindictive SHE would do.  Boyd told her no, we wouldn't do that, we just hadn't let Kelsie open any gifts until Christmas.

Boyd told Marty Saturday that they needed to talk, and he went over to their house.  Boyd wanted to meet at the office, but Marty wanted Susie to be there so she could tell her side.  That's convenient.  When did I ever get to tell my side?  EVERY SINGLE DISCUSSION has excluded me. Susie (and Marty), has not moved on from any of this.  She was still spewing her lies about everything I supposedly did to her at work, all of the things I did to sabotage her and said that she feels that I owe her an apology. Guess what?  I feel *I* am owed an apology!!!!!!!  She told Boyd that she "saved all of the texts and emails".  Good for her.  So did I.  I have nothing to hide.  NOTHING.


I have given her an apology (more than once).  She doesn't want to accept it.  There is no fixing this.  I don't want to, even if I could.  I fully admit that.  It's sad, but she no longer exists for me.  I've felt like an outsider for 20 years... now I'm just invisible.  I do not follow her on social media and I have blocked her number.  If it means that I miss out on family because they choose to believe her lies about something that has nothing to do with anyone else, then so be it.  If that's the case, then SHAME ON EVERYONE.  

Shame on Susie for not owning up to her mistakes. 
 
Shame on Susie for being a hateful bitch towards me.

Shame on Susie for blaming me for every part of this and taking zero responsibility.  

Shame on Susie for not being a team player and not being willing to try what is best for the business. 

Shame on Marty for putting his wife's hurt feelings above business, and not being willing to listen to the truth.  

Shame on both of them for not ever being open to a discussion to hear MY side... someone who has been in this family for 23 years and worked for the company for 10 years. 

Shame on them for being too close-minded to see that I could maybe be a valuable resource and actually help with things AT WORK.  

Shame on both of them for talking to Justin and Martin about the whole situation and bad-mouthing me.  

Shame on Martin and Danielle for letting her dictate who their kids can and cannot see. 

Shame on anyone who listens to her without listening to me, and choosing to believe her. 
 
There are two sides to every story, and so far she has been the only one telling hers.  That stops right now. 


I never expected Susie and I to stay friends after all of this.  I didn't expect the people in her circle (her sisters, nieces and nephews, aunts etc... all people I've been friends with) to see past her hate.  There are a couple that have, which makes my heart happy.  But I had hoped that Boyd and Marty could mend their relationship, and I thought the four of us would be able to keep work issues AT WORK so this didn't trickle down to our families.  Instead, I am watching a woman more than a decade older than me act spiteful and vindictive toward me....poisoning the way others look at me, when I only wanted to help the business that supports all of our families - INCLUDING her son and his family.

Shame on her.  

Monday, November 28, 2022

Kicking cancer's ass - day 3380

 Man, it has been a long time since I've posted on here, but if there's anything that can break me out of my slump it would be to celebrate my son's 21st birthday ๐Ÿ˜ฒ


I don't know how it can even be possible that this tiny peanut born seven days late in a snowstorm...



Has grown up into this caring, hardworking, funny, clever, handsome man!


My son is quirky and loyal, easygoing and so smart.  He's laid back like his big brother and not at all like his high maintenance sister.  I may be biased as his mom, but he is just an overall GOOD GUY.  He is definitely someone you want to have in your corner because he will not let you down.




Jared's love of trains that began when he was just a toddler has only continued to grow (and remains his future career choice!).  Talking about his favorite things, though, his girl Brooke takes top prize.  They've been together for over three years and there are not two people in the world more suited to each other than these two.





Close behind Brooke and trains on Jared's list of favorite things are video games, Legos (still), jazz music, WWE and all things Star Wars. 






Jared has been a joy from the day he came into this world.  He was my little miracle baby and is now a young man I am proud to call my friend as well as my son.  He has such a warm heart, good intentions and creative ideas.  There is not a mean bone in his body (unless he's yelling at his video game).  He's a careful driver, a responsible employee, the best brother and son anyone could ask for.










I am so proud of the amazing person he has grown into.  Happy 21st birthday Jared.  I hope it's your best year yet.  

Sunday, June 19, 2022

Kicking cancer's ass - day 3218

 


Today marks the first Father's Day without my dad.  
The first Father's Day I didn't get to buy and send a card to MY dad.  
The first Father's Day I didn't get to call and wish him a good day.
The first real holiday that gut-punched me with missing him so so much.

It was almost five months to the day that I last spoke to my dad.  He tried to talk to me, he held my hand and he hugged me.  Six days later he passed away.
I don't care how old you are, a girl never stops needing her daddy.






Dad, I hope you have had the BEST day in heaven.  
You were the best father a girl could ask for. 
Life handed you a lot of lemons, and yet you kept on keeping on,
loving your family in your own quiet way. 
A lof of people could learn from the way you walked in your faith.

Happy Father's Day.  I love you and I miss you.


Tuesday, February 1, 2022

Kicking cancer's ass - day 3080


Yesterday my dad was laid to rest.

I have never attended a military burial before.  It's just like in the movies, but it's SO.MUCH.MORE.

The setting...

Pristine and breathtaking at the Ulster County Veterans Cemetery overlooking Mohonk Mountain. 


I don't know where these veterans were all from, but they have my heartfelt gratitude.  They stood out in freezing temperatures so my father could receive the military honors he deserved. 
I was told that a few of them saw my dad's obituary in the paper and they called, VOLUNTEERING to be there. 
Band of brothers.

Gratitude.


The three gun salute. (signifying duty, honor and country)
Taps.
Receiving the flag honoring my dad's service.

I know that will be one of the most memorable moments of my life. 

My dad was born in Odessa, Ukraine. His family was granted passage into the US as displaced persons of war in 1951.
He served in the army before he was even a United States citizen.  

He was honorably discharged after returning home from serving in Vietnam.  He then went on to serve four more years in the reserves. 

My dad became a naturalized citizen on Jan 4, 1971.


He was a good man. 
People often say that about people when they die. 
But he was a GOOD man. 

He loved God.  His faith was very important to him, and he walked the walk every single day. 
He was devoted to his family. He was a fun dad.  He was a caring partner.  He was a loving Opa.
He worked hard all his life. 
He could build anything, fix anything, and had the patience of a saint. 

Seven years ago his active lifestyle was changed forever by a heart attack and stroke (attributed to his exposure to Agent Orange in Vietnam).

Seven years of watching golf instead of playing it.  Seven years of walking with a walker instead of hiking up a mountain.  Seven years of needing to be taken care of instead of taking care of everyone. 


Spending his last days with him was heartbreaking for me, but also a blessing.  

I hated to say goodbye.  
But he was tired.  His work here was done. 

Rest easy, Dad. You earned it. 

Sunday, January 30, 2022

Kicking cancer's ass - day 3078

GRATITUDE...
(Yes, that is capitalized for a reason.)

I don't even have the words to express how grateful I am for my village. 

❤ My husband, who dropped everything (even though work is busy) to fly up to NY with me (and he HATES to fly).  He is the very definition of a supportive partner and I could not do life without him. 

๐Ÿš‚ My son, who abruptly took over running our household, including parenting duty of a 15 year old. 
๐ŸŒป My daughter, whose faith in God lifted me up when I needed it most.
๐ŸŒผ My mom, who has always given me unwavering support.
๐Ÿ“ My mom friends who have selflessly taken K under their wings while we were away, giving her rides, mending her dress, taking her to get pampered and sharing photos from last night's Winter Formal when I couldn't be there. 
๐Ÿ’› My friend, who is always on call for Dexter duty, who loves my dog as much as I do and is always, always available when I need something. 
๐Ÿ• My son's girlfriend, who is a calm and steady presence in his life, and another of our fur baby caretakers, and Dexter's favorite person.  
๐ŸฅŽ My son's boss, who immediately sent him home from work and gave him as much time off as needed when she learned of my dad's passing. She's not only a great manager but a wonderful friend to me. 
๐Ÿงก My sister-in-law, with whom I share a job, who has worked a lot of extra days so I could be here in NY.
๐Ÿ’™ My hubby's work family, from his brother and his job foreman to all of the employees on the job site sending prayers. 
๐Ÿฅค My godmother who delivered a much-needed cold drink during one of the long, long days spent at my dad's bedside.  The 30 minute visit with her was the highlight of that day. 
๐Ÿ‘ฉ‍❤️‍๐Ÿ‘จ My dad's longtime companion who took amazing care of him 24/7 for many, many years.  She gave him a loving home and I'm forever grateful. 
๐Ÿ™ All of my family and friends, both near and far, who have prayed for us, called and sent messages of support and love.