Kicking Cancer's Ass - day 2750

One day last week Hubby said to me, "I had a sad day yesterday."

It surprised me, not because I don't think he ever feels sad.... it's just that he never SAYS it.  Most men keep their feelings to themselves, and he's no exception.

Turns out his sad day was also my sad day.  And it hasn't just been one day.

While we are over the moon thrilled for all of our friends who are happily sharing pictures of their daughters playing high school softball, each time we see one, our hearts break a little more.  Envy is not a virtuous quality, but we're human and we have faults.  And we are SO ENVIOUS of all of the proud parents who get to watch their girls play ball for their school.

K has played softball for ten years.  Ten years of practices and batting lessons and pitching lessons and tournaments.  Ten years of friends who have come and gone and some who have stayed and have become family.  Ten years of looking forward to the day when she could put on her purple Wylie gear and step into the circle on the field at her school. 

That won't happen.  Our girl had a tough, tough decision to make.  And I believe she made the right choice for her.  As a parent, you want your children to succeed, but you also want them to be successful doing what they love.  On the flip side, as a parent, it's difficult to watch your child NOT choose something she has worked ten years for.

K has played softball since she was four years old.  She played one season of tee ball, a couple years of league ball and then eight years of travel ball.  She started pitching when she was nine.  She has played through happy times, sad times, injuries, illness, God-awful heat and bitter cold.  She has lost some friends but gained even more, and the girls she plays with now are like sisters.

Last year in junior high K signed up for theater.  She adored her teacher and absolutely LOVED being on stage.  She played the leg lamp in A Christmas Story and she had the lead role in their UIL One Act Play where she was awarded best actress.  She was cast in Hairspray last spring but they never got to perform it thanks to COVID.  

I wasn't sure if she would enjoy theater as much in high school because part of what she loved so much was her teacher.  It didn't matter.  K loves it.  She loves performing, she loves the people, she doesn't even complain about rehearsals!  K had an ensemble part for Grease this past fall and the lone female role in Of Mice and Men.  Last week their cast for The Miraculous Journey of Edward Toulane competed in One Act Play and advanced to bi-district.  She was one of only three freshmen who earned roles on varsity.

The big decision she had to make was choosing between high school softball and high school theater.  Apparently the two don't mix.  She was getting grief for missing softball practices to go to theater and vice versa.  She earned a role on varsity One Act Play, but would not have been able to keep it if she missed rehearsals for softball.  She would probably have been on JV softball and would have less playing time if she missed softball practices to go to theater.

In the end, K chose theater.  It broke our hearts.  Softball has been such a big part of our lives and while we always looked forward to the day she could represent Wylie on that field, we also thought that was her goal.  And it was.  Unfortunately K was miserable in high school softball.  She is a pleaser and does not like to disappoint, so having coach frustrated with her for having other commitments was wearing her down.  K also said that she never felt like she fit in with the other girls.  She has two good friends in softball, but they pretty much paired up when K wasn't there, so when she was there, she was odd girl out.

It was heartbreaking for my daughter to come out of school crying because she had to make this decision.  Even though she decided she wanted to stay with theater, giving up softball was not easy for her at all.  The day she talked to coach about dropping, she came out to the car and her face just crumpled.  She was upset for herself, upset because she disappointed her coach, and upset because she knew we were upset. 

It's very frustrating to us that she had to choose.  We realize that every coach/director/teacher wants their students at their activity 100% of the time.  However, we also know there are certain other overlaps with school activities.  Cheerleaders miss some football games because they play volleyball.  Wylie Belles miss theater and vice versa due to conflicting schedules.  Softball and baseball players miss weeks of practice because basketball season is still going.  Athletes in all sports miss activities because of FFA events like stock shows.  We wish there had been some give and take so that K could have been able to participate in both.  She just didn't have it in her to give up a varsity role in theater as a freshman for reduced playing time in softball.

We always knew the day would come when we'd face the end of K's softball days.  We just never anticipated this kind of bump in the road.  If she feels appreciated and like she fits in more with the theater group, and she loves to perform, then we are happy for her and support her decision.  That doesn't mean we are not mad about the fact that she had to make a decision at all.

Friends, I love your daughters and I love seeing them shine!  Please don't feel like I'm complaining about your high school pictures and posts.  I'm not.  I'm truly happy for you and them.  I'm just very envious - it's a tough pill to swallow right now, knowing that will never be my softball player.   

The one silver lining is that she still wants to play travel softball.  It's not the same as representing your school and maybe earning a letter jacket, and we know her days for this are also numbered, but at this point we're just happy she's playing at all.   There are girls on her travel team that she's played with for more than half of her softball career.  It's FUN to go to tournaments and play with them, and she doesn't have to worry about feeling like she doesn't belong.  She knows her place on this team, and it gives her the opportunity to continue to play the sport she loves without all of the pressure.

A look back at ten years...