Kicking Cancer's Ass - day 2743

GOOD RIDDANCE FEBRUARY!!!!!

February is my least favorite month.  In fact, I'll be so bold as to say I HATE the month of February.  Which is odd, because it's my birthday month.

I've had two miscarriages, one in my twenties and one in my thirties.  Both were in February.

Trudy, my best friend in the whole world, the sister I never had, passed away in February.  Three years ago.

February was the last time I saw my good friend Allyson before she passed away.  Seven years ago.

Two of the most difficult recoveries from cancer surgery that I had to endure were in February.

Even in Texas, February is brown and ugly and dreary.  Some days are sunny and 75 degrees, but then the next day might be 35 degrees, windy and raining.  It's gross.

You know what I hate even more than February?  

March 1st.  

Two years ago today I lost my big brother. 

 

I don't have it in me to write a loving tribute, because I don't have the words to express myself.

  

Denial.  I still find it hard to believe that he's gone.  I don't know how many times I've actually opened my phone and pulled up his number to call or text him.  Then I remember. 

 

Anger.  WHY????  I am still SO MAD.  

Sadness.  I have so much pain in my heart because he's not in my life anymore.

Darren was spontaneous and outgoing.  He was a little OCD like me.  He never met a stranger.  If he loved you, he loved you BIG.  He was smart and likable and would give you the shirt off his back.  He liked to drive fast and talk faster.  He liked heavy metal music.  He liked wine, beer and steak.  He liked to golf.  He liked to work out.  He loved the Dallas Cowboys. 

There are no words to describe today's heartache.  

I just miss you D.  

p.s.  Thank you for Dexter