Five years ago tonight I was going to bed whole for the very last time. After four months of chemotherapy treatments, on January 3, 2014 I had a bilateral mastectomy: a very long, difficult surgery. For someone who had only ever had minor procedures done before, and not even very many of those, a ten hour surgery to remove parts of my body I was very attached to (pun intended!) was incredibly scary.
People try to make light of breast cancer surgery.... "Of course these are fake - my real ones tried to kill me!" Yes that's true. But cutting the cancer cells that chemo didn't kill out of my body is the only positive thing that happened that day. It HURT. Just raising my arm to brush my teeth was almost impossible. It was a long, painful recovery. I had to wear button down shirts for months. I lost parts of my body that epitomize femininity. I cried when I saw myself in the mirror. I have little to no sensation in my chest. Reconstruction made me LOOK more normal, and I'm very happy with the results, but I can't feel much of anything. And I have scars. Boy do I have scars.
Thankfully all of my scars can be hidden underneath clothes. If you were to see me on the street you would never guess what my body has been through. And while I hate my scars, I do think of them as badges of honor, visual proof of what I was strong enough to endure.
Next week I am going into surgery again. It will be another long (6-7 hours), complicated (working with veins the size of a human hair) surgery. This procedure is designed to open up the lymphatic pathways in my arm.... and it's necessary because of that other surgery five years ago. When they took all of the lymph nodes under my arm and in my chest, the lymph fluid had nowhere to go. The smallest strain or injury to my affected arm could cause incurable swelling (lymphedema). Not everyone who has a mastectomy will get lymphedema, but anytime you mess with lymph nodes anywhere in the body, it's a risk. My BFF had lymphedema in her leg from abdominal surgery! Three years after that surgery my left arm started to swell.
The micro surgery that I'll be having is a relatively new procedure, at least in the U.S. Some people who have had it say it has changed their life, while others say it didn't help at all. My surgeon said I can hope to see anywhere from 30% to 70% improvement in my arm. Not a perfect outcome, and not guaranteed, but I'm willing to take the chance. There is no cure for lymphedema, so it's something I will have to "manage" for the rest of my life.
I won't have too many scars (just three to four small incisions) from this surgery, and probably not a lot of pain. The most difficult part will be having to keep my arm wrapped and elevated for a month. So if you see me out and about in the next few weeks, please do not give me a high five! I'm not waving at you. ha ha
That is probably one of my favorite quotes.....not only because I love books, but because it's such a neat way to think of a new year.
Since I'm going to be spending the beginning of this new year recovering from yet another surgery (this makes 8 if you're counting), I hope a year from now I can write how incredibly GOOD my book of 2019 turned out to be.
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