Kicking cancer's ass - day 1577

 

Friends are the siblings God never gave us. - Mencius

My mother grew up with brothers.  No sister.  I grew up with a brother.  No sister.  We have both been blessed to have friendships that feel like a sisterhood.  Last year my best friend of over 30 years had to say goodbye to her mom right after Christmas.   Today, right before Christmas,  my mom will say her final goodbye to her friend of over 40 years.

Last night I had dinner with a dear friend and we exchanged Christmas gifts (something we don't always do).  The gifts we gave each other were thoughtful and showed just how well we know each other.  It reminded me of my mom's friendship with Nancy.... the kind of evening they would spend together.

In this day and age of temporary and immediate gratification, and people relocating everywhere, how many friendships last almost half a century?  My mother still lives in the house I grew up in.  Up until she passed away, Nancy lived in the house she raised her children in -  a house right up the street from my mom.

Gail and Nancy shared a special bond, a bond that began as neighbors and strengthened into a close, loving, supportive friendship that stood the test of time.

I wish so much I could be there today..... to support my mother.  To honor Nancy.  To comfort her family.  Instead, all I can do is pray for them, send my love, and honor her here.

My mom sent this to me this week.... something she wrote and read to Nancy during one of her visits with her friend before she passed.  (Obviously I inherited my writing talent from her).  I asked if I could share it on here, because it's beautiful.  It's from the heart.  It's touching.  And it honors a friendship that lasted almost as long as I've been alive.

Beautiful Nancy…….my friend for 42 years…..instant connection, friendship, kindred spirits.

I always will be texting two cups of coffee with you on Saturday mornings – you in your kitchen, me in mine;

Always will be walking in town with you….sharing thoughts, dreams, feelings, loves ….. many people asking us over the years if we are sisters;

Always will be toasting each other with Champagne Truffles in front of the chocolatier on The Channel Gardens in Rockefeller Center…awed by The Tree;

Always will be sitting in the Garden Café with you…..talking about life and our precious children and grandchildren;

And, always will be sitting in the outdoor bar at the Lazy Swan…..laughing, drinking wine, drinking in the views of our majestic Catskill Mountains, singing along as Frankie plays “Summer Wind.”

I have not lived my adult life without you ….. but, I will find my way…..knowing that you are watching over me as you sit on the “God shelf” and your spirit is forever surrounding me.

Nancy sent me this quote on October 17, 2017 and it defines how she lived her life.….full of Grace:

"Grace is a power that comes in and transforms a moment to something better." -- Caroline Myss We are all better human beings because Nancy came into our lives.

I can no longer see you with my eyes but I will feel you in my heart forever.
I love you, Nancy

Nancy was a kind, gentle, incredibly beautiful woman inside and out.  The world is a better place for her having been in it.  My life is better for having grown up with her in it.  My mom's life has been enriched beyond measure by the kind of friendship most people never get to experience.  I'm grateful, and I'm so sad.

Rest in peace Nancy.  You were appreciated, you were loved, and you will be missed.

Kicking cancer's ass - day 1561

What a difference four years makes.

Aside from giving birth to my two children, December 5, 2013 is probably the day I am most proud of. 
For me, the beginning of my treatment meant 8 biweekly infusions, which was 14 weeks of chemo (that's 99 days!). 

Compared to a lot of people I know who've gone through it, my experience with chemo wasn't that bad.  But even "not that bad" when you're talking about chemotherapy is pretty damn awful. 

Hours spent in the infusion room, chewing on ice or drinking a Sonic grape slush to help prevent mouth sores.  Pulling my IV pole behind me as I paced the room because the premeds gave me restless legs.  Hundreds of dollars wasted and hours spent freezing my head in an attempt to save my hair with cold caps (it didn't work).  Pills, pills and more pills.  Having to go back the day after each chemo to get a $10,000 injection (thank God for insurance) to boost my white blood cells.  Migraines.  Having no taste buds.  Being queasy 24/7 and only having a handful of foods that were anywhere near tolerable.  Rinsing my mouth a hundred times a day with Biotene to try to get rid of the nasty yuck taste.  Feeling so damn tired every minute of the day.  LOSING MY HAIR!!! (and my eyebrows... and eyelashes).

But you know what?  I'm grateful for every one of those 99 days because I'M STILL HERE!
I'm happy and (relatively) healthy.  I'm living my life.  I'm loving my family.  Aside from the routine checkups, I no longer spend hours at the doctor's office.  My life doesn't revolve around blood draws and Germ-X.  I'm able to work, go to football games, hug whoever I want, spend five days in Vegas with one of my besties, focus on a book for more than ten minutes, eat what I want, take my daughter to concerts, keep score at her softball games.

Chemo is harsh, and it's effects are awful and some never go away, but it killed my cancer and for that I'm eternally grateful.

Kicking cancer's ass - day 1558

Happy December!

It doesn't feel like December.  I know I live in Texas, but a little bit of winter weather would be nice.  Hubby and I went to a high school football playoff game last night and we didn't even need jackets!

Our beloved Wylie Bulldogs were knocked out in the first round of the playoffs, so we went to cheer on another local team - the Cooper Cougars.  It just so happens that the Cooper head coach is part of our Lady Diamonds family.  His daughter is our catcher.  We had dinner with Sheri and another Lady Diamonds family and then we all went to the game.  Fun times, even though it was a heartbreaker of a loss for the Coogs.

In more happy news, I have to confess that I've been stepping out on Hubby.  

I'm in love with NED...... a.k.a. "No Evidence of Disease"

I had my six month checkup this week with Dr. H and everything looks good.  My weight is steady (not going down, but at least it's not going up!), blood pressure was fantastic, and other than a few pesky low numbers on my blood counts, I got the "all clear, see you in six months".  My white blood cells, red blood cells, platelets, calcium and albumen have all been low since I finished chemo, and this time was no different.  Those numbers were low enough to get flagged, but not low enough to worry or do anything about.  

So.... no news is great news!

In some unhappy news...

I'm still dealing with lymphedema in my left hand and arm.  I know once you have it, it's something that never goes away, but sometimes it can get better.  So far mine hasn't.

This is my normal hand:

Notice my wedding rings.... on my RIGHT hand..... because they don't fit on the left.

Here's why:

Looks awful and uncomfortable, right?  It is.  Wearing my compression garments seems to make it worse, which sucks in a lot of ways.  There aren't a whole lot of treatment options for lymphedema... compression, massage, more compression, exercises.  I'm doing all of that.  In fact, that pic of my swollen hand was AFTER I'd had my custom sleeve and glove on for six hours.  

I've spent a lot of money (A LOT) on treatments for this.  My pump that I use daily (60 min at a time) was almost a grand.  I have several off the rack compression sleeves and gloves that were over one hundred each.  My custom sleeve and glove (which oddly enough make everything the worst) were $300.  Not to mention doctor appointments, physical therapy and even a CT scan.  All of that money with NO results.

Very frustrating.  

But, in the grand scheme of things, it's just something to deal with.  It's uncomfortable and painful and increases my risk of infection (hence the standby antibiotics in my medicine cabinet), but it's not life-threatening.  It's a result of cancer, but it's NOT cancer, and I'll take that.