Welcome to my world

I am a wife, a mom, a daughter, a sister and a friend.
I've learned that who you have in your life matters more than what you have.
Thank you for stepping in to my world!

Saturday, July 8, 2017

Kicking cancer's ass - day 1408

I'm sad today.

I'm sad because it's my hubby's birthday and I am not with him.  He's a guy who deserves to be celebrated. 

I'm sad because my (for all intents and purposes) stepmom was taken by ambulance this morning.  She wasn't feeling quite right, and it's a good thing she went.  Doctor said she had a mini stroke and they are keeping her overnight.

I'm sad that life keeps getting more and more difficult for these two wonderful people.  My dad has always been the kindest, most patient, humble man.  Even though he was in his 70s, he worked full time - often overtime, he bowled, he played golf, he loved to fish.  A heart attack and stroke brought him down to walking with a walker and watching law and order reruns.  We see more and more of my old dad in him as time passes.... he's more pleasant, his memory is sharp, and his medical issues are stabilizing.  But he'll never have even close to the quality of life that he used to.

I'm sad that his lady friend is dealing with this.  I hate to use the term martyr, but she has dedicated her life the last three years to taking care of my dad.  It hasn't been easy.  He has been angry and hateful towards her, he requires constant care (his medication case scares me!), and she takes care of everything around the house from laundry to yard work to shoveling snow.  She is 70. She has been a Godsend for my dad and I don't know what he'd have done without her.  I don't know what effect this latest event will have on them.  How can she take care of him if she needs care herself?  And what can I do from 2000 miles away?  It's fortunate that this happened while I'm here to help,  but that's only temporary.

I'm sad that my BFF has stage IV cancer.  She's my partner in crime, the friend who has known me longer and better than anyone else.  The fact that she's facing the beast yet again, with an uncertain future,  scares the crap out of me and pisses me off.

I'm sad that another friend is miserable and in pain and can't find any answers.

I'm sad that the three year "anniversary" of Allyson's passing is almost upon us.  I miss her guidance, her wit, her wisdom and her caring.

I'm sad that the lymphedema in my arm is not getting any better.  Its frustrating and annoying to wrap it every night and wear compression all day and it's STILL puffy. I'm sad that cancer gave me this surprise gift 3.5 years later. 

Life is never easy.  It's a blessing, but not always a smooth journey.
And tonight I'm just sad.

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