Kicking cancer's ass - day 1417

It was on Facebook, so it must be true.  Right???

Kicking cancer's ass - day 1415

Vacation.... I'm using that term loosely tonight.  

What started out as a trip full of fun visits with friends & family, water parks, roller coasters and Jolly Cow ice cream has turned into a jumble of mishaps and medical issues.  

Before I get to the crap, let's share the good news.  My dad's lady friend is doing much better.  She came home from the hospital Monday night after getting good results on her CT scan and MRI.  She had a mini stroke (officially known as a Transient ischemic attack), but there shouldn't be any lasting negative effects.  She has to take it easy (instead of trying to be super woman.... a role she's been playing for three years) and get some help so she isn't doing 100% of everything.  My dad will not like that.... he acts like a temperamental toddler whenever anyone other than family comes over to help.  But he will just have to deal.

So after spending three days at their house on full time nursing duty spending time with my dad, cooking his meals, giving him his meds (he takes a LOT of pills!), checking his vitals, helping him up and down the stairs, getting him washed up and dressed, and dozing in the chair while he watched 12 hours of CNN, I came back to Mom's and woke up yesterday morning to this:

It started across my chest, and has since spread on my torso, down my left side and towards my back. 

What.The.HECK?!?!??!

I have not changed any of my bath or beauty products.  I have not been in a contaminated swimming pool or lake.  I am not wearing any new clothes.  The only thing new is my lymphedema, and I have to admit I'm a little freaked out because Dr. Google (and some of my breast cancer friends in the know) told me that cellulitis often goes hand in hand with lymphedema.  And is it an awful coincidence that the rash is mostly in the areas on my body where my lymphatic system is compromised?!?

I spent the afternoon at urgent care getting checked out.  The doctor said an infection like cellulitis doesn't usually present like this, that it looks more like a sensitivity or allergic reaction to something.  What that something is, we don't know.  The funny thing is, it doesn't itch.  It doesn't hurt.  Taking Benadryl doesn't help it, and cortisone cream doesn't either.  So what in the world is wrong with me?

Not only am I unnerved about having a mystery rash (no cancer patient wants a mystery anything when it comes to their health), but today I had to undress for a doctor unrelated to my cancer.  You would think after having two children, being examined by countless doctors over the last four years, having seven surgeries and undressing for 33 radiation treatments, it would be old hat.  It's not.  Even though I have admirable results from reconstruction, it's an illusion.  I'm scarred and have obviously reconstructed breasts.... my body is living proof of the wear and tear cancer and its treatment has on a person.  I've been seeing all of my cancer doctors for so long that I'm (sort of) comfortable with them, but someone new, not a cancer specialist, taking a look at my chest almost sent me into a panic attack.

Good thing they took my blood pressure before!

I have no idea what tomorrow will bring.  I started my first dose of prescribed steroids today, so maybe, just maybe, I will wake up and see some improvement.  If it continues to get worse, or other symptoms develop, then I have to be seen again.  I don't know what this rash is or what caused it, but I want it gone.

In the meantime, I will continue to enjoy spending time with my kids in my hometown, eating too much ice cream and finding fun things to do with my family.  We will be heading home next week, so I'm going to try and put away the worry and add the relaxation and joy back into my vacation.

Stupid cancer.

Kicking cancer's ass - day 1411

I'm sad today.

I'm sad because it's my hubby's birthday and I am not with him.  He's a guy who deserves to be celebrated. 

I'm sad because my (for all intents and purposes) stepmom was taken by ambulance this morning.  She wasn't feeling quite right, and it's a good thing she went.  Doctor said she had a mini stroke and they are keeping her overnight.

I'm sad that life keeps getting more and more difficult for these two wonderful people.  My dad has always been the kindest, most patient, humble man.  Even though he was in his 70s, he worked full time - often overtime, he bowled, he played golf, he loved to fish.  A heart attack and stroke brought him down to walking with a walker and watching law and order reruns.  We see more and more of my old dad in him as time passes.... he's more pleasant, his memory is sharp, and his medical issues are stabilizing.  But he'll never have even close to the quality of life that he used to.

I'm sad that his lady friend is dealing with this.  I hate to use the term martyr, but she has dedicated her life the last three years to taking care of my dad.  It hasn't been easy.  He has been angry and hateful towards her, he requires constant care (his medication case scares me!), and she takes care of everything around the house from laundry to yard work to shoveling snow.  She is 70. She has been a Godsend for my dad and I don't know what he'd have done without her.  I don't know what effect this latest event will have on them.  How can she take care of him if she needs care herself?  And what can I do from 2000 miles away?  It's fortunate that this happened while I'm here to help,  but that's only temporary.

I'm sad that my BFF has stage IV cancer.  She's my partner in crime, the friend who has known me longer and better than anyone else.  The fact that she's facing the beast yet again, with an uncertain future,  scares the crap out of me and pisses me off.

I'm sad that another friend is miserable and in pain and can't find any answers.

I'm sad that the three year "anniversary" of Allyson's passing is almost upon us.  I miss her guidance, her wit, her wisdom and her caring.

I'm sad that the lymphedema in my arm is not getting any better.  Its frustrating and annoying to wrap it every night and wear compression all day and it's STILL puffy. I'm sad that cancer gave me this surprise gift 3.5 years later. 

Life is never easy.  It's a blessing, but not always a smooth journey.
And tonight I'm just sad.