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I am a wife, a mom, a daughter, a sister and a friend.
I've learned that who you have in your life matters more than what you have.
Thank you for stepping in to my world!

Monday, August 8, 2016

Kicking cancer's ass - day 1075

Time for another insomniac blogging post...

The story of my life these days.....waking up exhausted, feeling drained by 3pm, needing a nap at 7pm and being wide awake at 10pm.  

I've always been a night owl.  My mother and my son are morning people.  Like wake up at ridiculously early hours without an alarm kind of morning people.  Not me.  I need an alarm and four or five snooze hits to wake up.  I hate having to set an alarm.  Once I'm asleep, I like to SLEEP!  But I also like to stay up late.  A quiet house late at night is bliss for me.  Most of the time that's because I've got my nose buried in a book.  Or I'm playing 1010 on my phone....... the seriously addictive game my kids introduced me to.  Sometimes I'm researching Dr. Google for whatever mysterious ailment is plaguing me lately.  Or I'm scouring Facebook for posts by other people who are awake in the middle of the night too.  

Since my days of fighting cancer began, the words night owl took on an entirely new meaning.  I want to sleep.  I need to sleep.  But the time comes to go to bed and suddenly I'm wide awake... or my hip starts hurting me... or most often, my restless legs kick in.  Tonight it's all three, and even with the help of a pain pill and a restless legs pill, it's 12:13am and I'm still awake.

I should be sleepy.  Yesterday I logged over 10,000 steps in 102 degree heat at K's softball tournament, and I was up at 6:30am today to be back at the fields for a morning game.  Some shopping, four loads of laundry, vacuuming and cooking dinner filled my the rest of my day..... none of that wore me out apparently.  

Eventually I will get tired.  My legs will hopefully calm down enough so that I can go to bed and at least lay there until I'm sleepy.  I don't mind that.  I always joke when my kids complain about going to bed that I wish someone would tell ME to go to bed.  Ha.  

I love my bed.  I love my pillow.  I love going to bed having Hubby right next to me.
I just wish sleep came as easily as it used to, because nothing is more frustrating than lying awake counting down the hours until you have to get up for work.

Hubby and J have to be up by 6:15am - Hubby for work and J for band practice, so they've both been asleep for hours.  K and I have to be up by 6:45am - me for work and K for church camp, but I have obviously NOT been asleep for hours.  

As a cancer patient, there are a lot of legitimate reasons to have trouble sleeping.  In the beginning, the emotions and the fear and the anxiety take hold and it's hard to dial it all down.  Steroids during chemo keep you going until you eventually crash.  Pain after surgery makes sleeping very uncomfortable.  Hot flashes from menopause make trying to sleep an Olympic event.  

Maybe my body has just had too long (1075 days) to get used to not sleeping.  
Cancer is the gift that keeps on giving.

On a side note, my sister-in-law got a clean bill of health Friday from her (our) oncologist.  She is five years cancer-free and does not have to do any more treatment/medication.  Hallelujah!

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