Struggling...

Romans 5:5 ESV 

And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Today I really needed to read this verse.  Lately my hopeful and optimistic spirit has been dampened by circumstances out of my control.  Not by anything disastrous or life-threatening, nothing like that.  But my ability to see the best in people & give them the benefit of the doubt is beyond me right now and I need some encouragement.

Unfairness is one of my biggest pet peeves.  Maybe it indicates that I live in a dream world with my head in the clouds to admit that I think things should be done the way they are supposed to be done.  That they aren't always, even when pertaining to something unimportant, is abhorrent to me.  Why do people lie to each other?  Why say one thing and do the opposite?  Why make poor excuses instead of owning up to the truth?  I wish I had the answers to those questions, because right now my faith in other people is low.  Saying what you mean and meaning what you say shouldn't be so hard!
 

I don't have a perfect moral compass.  I don't always make the right decisions.  I like to think, though, that I always, always try to do the right thing, even when it means stepping way out of my comfort zone.  Recently I did that in defense of someone who needed defending, and all it got me was attacked in return.  In my experience, people will lash out and accuse when they have a guilty conscience.  I very rarely speak out on anything, so if I do and someone gets defensive or evasive, I tend to believe that they are in the wrong.  There is defensiveness and evasiveness flying all around me.

I once read somewhere that you should beware of half truths, because you might learn the wrong half.  So true!

Ella Wheeler Wilcox said: 'Tis easy enough to be pleasant, when life flows like a song. But the man worthwhile is the one who will smile when everything goes dead wrong.

I am trying my hardest to smile in spite of things going wrong.   However, I would prefer to open my own eyes, rather than have them opened for me by other people and their actions.  Unfortunately, as the saying goes, life is not fair.  Sometimes it's not even the end result but simply the process or the journey that isn't fair.  That's what I'm struggling with right now.  Other people's selfishness in serving their own agenda has put a huge dark cloud over the pleasure and enjoyment I've known for weeks.  It's not the agenda itself, but the way certain people went about it, that has upset me.

There are two ways of meeting difficulties: you alter the difficulties or you alter yourself meeting them. (Phyllis Bottome)

I am glad that this struggle revolves only around me and my expectations of others.  My husband and my kids are somewhat affected by the outcome, but the problem in dealing with it is all mine.  There is no way to alter these difficulties, so I must alter myself.  I'm trying.  I actually told Hubby last night that he hasn't been able to do it in twelve years, but I wish he could finally teach me how to let things go.  It's so incredibly hard for me to turn the other cheek when I know someone is wrong.  I want it fixed, and in my life right now, I have no tools to fix it.  I'm on the outside looking in and my humble opinion means next to nothing.  Hubby has this amazing ability to mask his feelings until he gets over it, which normally happens fairly quickly.  He can hold a grudge with the best of them, but very rarely does he.  He's able to see what truly matters in the grand scheme of things.  I need to learn to follow by his example and not let my soft heart and my logical mind bring me down when life isn't careful with them.  People tend to stomp on soft hearts and ignore logical minds.  Thankfully I married a man who protects the first and appreciates the second.  

We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope. - Martin Luther King, Jr. I want to feel hopeful again.