Warning:  I try to keep my blog posts upbeat and cheerful and fun, or at least meaningful.  This one will not be.  I need to bitch and moan so if you don't want to hear it, stop reading.

I will be the first to admit that I love my children more than anything.  Just about everything I do revolves around hubby, J & K.  My "job" as a stay-at-home-mom is to take care of them, and I do it gladly.  I do my best to fulfill their needs and I think I do a good job.  Sometimes the lines blur between 'needs' and 'wants', though, and I get blamed for that. 

My eldest is fun, playful, imaginative and so, so smart.  He's also selfish, lazy, demanding and impatient.  If it's not all about him, he either wants to make it so or he wants nothing to do with it.  If he could just let it go & walk away gracefully, life would be so much easier.  But I often end up paying the price for his self-centered behavior and frankly today, I've had enough.

Last week J came up with an idea for something he wanted to do.  It's harmless, free, and keeps him busy for a long time so I'm all for it.  It involves using my digital camera and I explained exactly what he'd need to do in order for me to put the finishing touches on it (on my pc).  Apparently in this, like with everything else, he tuned me out and just went about his business, confident that he knew what to do on his own.  Normally I am all for self-confidence and figuring something out on your own.  But when it's something he hasn't done before and *I* knew how to do it, I think his best option would have been to actually listen to me and follow my instructions.  Instead, my words went in one ear & out the other, so when he brought me the finished product and wanted me to "do my thing" with it, I had to explain that it wouldn't work.  He didn't do if the way I told him and I am not sure I can make it work the way he DID do it.  What happens?  His eyes tear up & he loses his temper, at ME, because it won't turn out the way he wants. 

To backtrack a little, in addition to my job as the matriarch of this house, I also have a small online job that takes me thirty minutes to an hour each day.  That's it.  That's all I ask for... 1/24th of the day to get my work done so I can get paid on the fifteenth of every month.  So when J walks out with the camera and asks (demands) me to make his video, I told him I would as soon as I finished my work.  He looked at my computer screen and said, "What are you doing?"   I said I was working.  He pointed to my screen (which had switched to my screensaver) and said, "Then why is it THAT screen?"  First of all, I've already said that I'm doing my work.  I said I will help when I am finished.  End of story.  Second of all, since when do I have to explain myself to my nine-year-old child? 

He starts crying, he yells at K for looking at him, and then I yell at him. 

All of this unpleasantness could have been avoided if he had actually paid attention in the first place, and instead of blaming me for the fact that he didn't, maybe he could show a little respect for his mother and her time and simply WAIT for me to help him when I can!  See the afore-mentioned line between 'want' and 'need'???????