Kicking cancers ass - day 4503

I love giving gifts. LOVE IT.  I am always on the hunt for the most perfect gift every time. I'm not someone who normally goes to a random store to buy a gift off the shelf (unless the person is hard to buy for or I'm in a time crunch). Not that there's anything wrong with shopping like that... it's just not my usual method. My hubby laughs at me, but I start Christmas shopping months and months ahead of time, because I want the gifts I give to be the most thoughtful, meaningful, personal thing each time. I want the person receiving the gift to know I thought of them when I picked it out. 

Pride begets the fall. Unfortunately this year, exchanging Christmas gifts just made me a little sad. Not because of my gifts... I was totally spoiled and got everything I wanted and more. 🎁 

My Christmas joy is a little dim because I was too excited about my own creativity and maybe even a little arrogant about my gifting prowess.

It wasn't one, or two, but quite a few gifts I gave this Christmas where the level of excitement of the receiver did not come close to matching mine as the giver of what I thought to be the perfect gift. The "oh my gosh this is so great! I love it so much!" that I was expecting didn't come. And I know...I know... giving gifts is about celebrating the people in your life and showing that they matter. I'm not sad that I didn't get enough praise. I'm sad because my gifts maybe weren't as special as I wanted them to be. And it wasn't just one. 

One gift that I thought was so beautiful and sentimental was... let's just say I felt like I had given a 7 year old a pair of socks for Christmas. It did not inspire the touching reaction I expected. 

Another was a gift where the recipient knew what the gift was, so I tried to come up with a fun, creative way to deliver it. It didn't seem like the gift or the presentation were as great as I thought. What I'd hoped was a clever and resourceful way of giving a basic (but great) gift seemed less like fun and almost kind of annoying in real time. 

Another gift I thought I was so crafty in making was kind of a bust. While the gift was well received, the personalization I had carefully chosen didn’t stand out.

Finally, the one gift I was SO over the top excited about giving was...meh. I thought of a unique way to present a gift that took time and effort to bring to fruition. I made a whole "theme" for the gift, with little additional items that went along with the main gift.  And it flopped. It flopped so bad that the recipient didn't even really get the gist of the gift until I spelled it out.  

SIGH. 

Maybe I'm losing my knack for getting just the right gift. Maybe I'm trying too hard to find the perfect gift.  Probably my expectations were just way too high...after all, what feels extraordinary to me may land quietly with someone else.

I know I'll never stop trying to find fun, meaningful gifts. It's just who I am. But after today, I know I'll try to temper my excitement and expectations over the gifts I give, just in case my loved ones are less than impressed with gifts that I'm SO pleased to give. 

Bah humbug.

Until next Christmas. 

Kicking cancer's ass - day 4500

Here's a word of advice for couples with children... if you think life will slow down when you are "empty nesters", you are WRONG! I looked back at my last blog post and it was THREE MONTHS AGO. Like, what? I don't even have a half hour to write something in my blog and now it's almost Christmas? What is going on???

Turns out, a lot has been going on! Working full time with two side gigs is not for sissies. I'm always working. It's a good problem to have, especially because I work with some really great people who definitely appreciate me, but I need to be more diligent about scheduling some down time for myself. Maybe that's my goal for 2026. 

Jared and Brooke have settled in to their new house and are starting to wade into wedding planning! (Well, Brooke is, Jared just says "whatever she wants"). Kelsie is thriving at Hardin Simmons and waitressing at the country club.

Have you noticed that the older you get, the harder it is to recover from a simple cold? I was under the weather for several WEEKS... with nothing more than a cold. No fever, no body aches, no bad cough. It started out as a sore throat when we went to the Texas Longhorns football game (I thought it was just from being out in the night air), then it morphed into the never-ending congestion and fatigue. As I was recovering from that, we were creeping up on Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving? Wasn't it just summer?

We were SO happy to have my mom and Dana here for a visit. It was too short (aren't they always?), but we packed a lot in. They arrived on Jared's birthday, and his birthday dinner of choice every year is Abuelo's. After dinner, we went back to Jared's house to have birthday cake. Mom and Dana LOVED Jared and Brooke's home. It's so perfect for them. I don't know how I can possibly be old enough to have a 24 year old son who owns a home and is getting married, but that's another story.

Another favorite "must eat" when Mom comes to Abilene is Vagabond Pizza. We went downtown for lunch the Saturday after Thanksgiving, then went to tour the Grace Museum—Jared and Brooke's wedding venue next November. It was so wonderful to see it and get all the details of how it will all work. There was even a vow renewal ceremony that day, so we were able to see it all dressed up. I'm so grateful that Brooke arranged that during my mom's visit.

We managed to squeeze in a dinner at Perini's (Boyd wasn't feeling well so he missed out) on the coldest day of the year so far, and showed Grammie & Dana Kelsie's apartment. Zora LOVED having new people to get attention from.

In between the cold from hell and the holiday/birthday/visit chaos, we decided to have our carpet replaced with vinyl flooring. What were we thinking???  I know what *I* was thinking. I've been wanting to get rid of our carpet for YEARS (kids + pets + Texas dirt = GROSS), so when hubby started talking about it, I delayed my Christmas decorating for a week and ran with it! I worked from home for a few days while they installed the floors. I LOVE THEM!

As if all of that wasn't enough, Boyd had surgery on December 4th. 

It's a long story, but after almost six months of tests and scans and doctor visits, it was determined that one side of his diaphragm is paralyzed and caused his lung to partially collapse. That explains why he's had chest pain, shortness of breath, fatigue and even unexplained weight loss for the past year. It took a handful of blood tests, several CT scans and x-rays, a few pulmonary function tests, an endoscopy, colonoscopy, visits to his primary care doctor, cardiologist, gastro-intestinal doctor and pulmonary doctor, and a "sniff" test... and it was that last 30 second test that sealed the deal. When you breathe in (or sniff), your diaphragm is supposed to lower, giving your lungs room to expand. During Boyd's sniff test, the left side of his diaphragm didn't move. 

Recovery from surgery has been slower than Boyd would like... but what better time to slow down and take it easy than the holidays?

Last month I saw both my oncologist here in Abilene and my surgical oncology team in Dallas. I also learned that I will not be seeing either of them next year! Dr. Heaven, my oncologist, is retiring, so I will be assigned to another medical oncologist in his office. He gave me a hug and said he was proud of me... it was so touching. My surgical oncologist is transferring me to the survivorship care team, and I'll see a PA with them from now on. It's bittersweet, because it's a blessing to be outliving my doctors' care, but it's kind of like giving up my safety net, not seeing them any longer.

Today marks day 4500 of kicking cancer's ass. It has not been easy, and even now I have good days and bad, both mentally and physically. However, I am so thankful for every single day that I get to spend with my family and friends, the memories I am still here to make, and the people who have helped me along the way. 

We are in the home stretch before Christmas, and then we can all make New Year's resolutions that we won't keep. ha ha  From my family to yours, Merry Christmas, and a happy and HEALTHY new year for everyone!