Kicking cancer's ass - day 2277

For real.  This is my life.  Was it really AUGUST the last time I posted anything?  Yikes.

That's not good.  I miss my blog.  I miss having TIME for my blog.  Maybe that will be my New Year's resolution....find the time.

It's been a crazy few months.  I have one kid in his last year of high school (sniff) and one kid in her last year before high school.  How did that happen??

J's senior year so far has been, as he would say, "easy peasy".  He gets out at 2pm every day... giving him plenty of time to spend with his girlfriend.  Yep.... you heard me.  GIRLFRIEND!  Luckily my son has excellent taste and his first foray into the relationship world has been a good one.  B is cute and smart and talented and so sweet.  We love her.  She's also in band and plays bass clarinet (same instrument K plays).  Pretty neat.

This was them before the Homecoming dance:

I made it to all except one of J's pep rallies.   Here we are after the Pink Out pep rally:

Band has been such a big part of J's high school experience and I'm SO thankful.  He's made some really good friends, hooked up with his girl, and gave us many, many amazing performances to watch.  Here's this year's show, which earned them a Division 1 rating at All Region and a trip to the Area round:

J also earned his second letter for academics for his junior year.  Handsome AND smart!  I love my kid.  He was fitted yesterday for his band letter jacket, too.

Here I am with my favorite people in the whole world.  This was on senior night for the band.  Yes, he wore that crown throughout the whole football game, even the halftime performance.  Ha. 

The reason I had to miss J's last pep rally is because cancer really is the gift that keeps on giving.  For the first time since I was diagnosed with lymphedema 2.5 years ago, I developed a dangerous infection called cellulitis.  My arm turned red, was hot, I felt like I had the flu.... it was awful.  I ended up in the emergency room getting fluids and IV antibiotics, and they sent me home with prescriptions for two antibiotics and pain meds.  Fun times.  

I really, really hate lymphedema . I hate my arm.  I hate having to wear compression.  I hate that nothing I really do makes it better.  I hate that my surgery for it didn't work.  I HATE IT.

I know I'm lucky.  Some have it much, much worse.  But still... this is MY cross to bear, and I.HATE.IT!  

In Septmber we went to a Dallas Cowboys game.  We had shirts made in honor of my brother (the back says "Doomsday D", which was his fantasy football team name), and we even spread some of his ashes beside one of the trees outside the stadium.  I really miss my big brother.

The first weekend of October was the 8th annual Hope for a Cure tournament.  Not only did my girls look sharp sporting their pink, but they played sharp!  Lady Diamonds took home third place in the tournament.  Have I mentioned that I love being a softball mom?

October 15th marked eighteen years of marriage to this guy.  He is my favorite, my best friend, my rock.  He teases me and makes me laugh and holds me when I cry.  I don't know how I would have gotten through most of the last two decades without him by my side.  Happy Anniversary to us!

My daughter has the busiest social calendar of anyone I know.  She plays travel softball.  She plays tennis for school.  She's in band.  She's in DI (Destination Imagination).  She's taking two advanced classes this year AND she added theater arts.  Did I mention she's in a school musical, too?  I swear, if I'm not picking her up from somewhere or taking her somewhere, then I'm somewhere doing something WITH her.  She is a shining star in everything she does, and has a heart of gold.  

 She also got her braces off!  Finally after almost 3 years total.  What a beautiful girl with a gorgeous smile!  Daddy get the shotgun ready!

 

Even though it's fall, I've been on a spring cleaning kick.  My car is full of bags and bags of stuff to donate to Mission Thanksgiving tomorrow.

It's really amazing how easy it is to accumulate so much STUFF.  I have cleaned out the garage (ick... that was a chore), the coat closet, the linen closet, my bedroom closet and part of my laundry room.  I love having things organized and not cluttered, but man I'm exhausted!  

Next week is Thanksgiving, which is also my son's 18th birthday.  Gulp.   As one of my friends said today about her daughter's birthday, "The days are long but the years are short."  Don't blink.

Kicking cancer's ass - day 2186

Today is National Surgical Oncologist Day.  Did you know there was a day for that?  I didn't.  But I'm glad.  These doctors are heroes.

For one thing, can you imagine having the fortitude to go to a job every day where (more or less) someone's life is in your hands?  Can you imagine having a job where you might have to tell someone those awful words "you have cancer"?  Can you imagine working in such a place, filled with fear and hope and tears and anxiety?  You'd have to have nerves of steel.  I couldn't do it.  I see someone cry and it makes me cry.

I'll never forget my first appointment with my surgical oncologist, Dr. L.  I was scared stiff.  All I knew was I had cancer, and it was bad.  We drove three hours to Dallas, and my appointment was in a cancer center.  It was surreal.  What was I doing there?  I was forty years old.  I was young and healthy and active.  Cancer center?????

Dr L is smart as a whip, no nonsense and has a heart of gold.  Her staff treated me so kindly.  My friend Allyson met us there for that appointment (to take notes and pay attention so Hubby could hold me up) and I remember vividly walking out of the exam room, turning to hug Allyson and just breaking down.  It was so overwhelming and sad and frightening.  I did not want to be there.  But I was there for a reason.

I didn't pick Dr L's name out of the phone book.  There's a connection, and I thank God for it.  The nurse practitioner at my gynecologist's office went to nursing school with one of the nurses who work for Dr L.  When I was diagnosed, she told me about a friend who works for a breast surgeon at UT Southwestern.  I had no clue where to go or what to do, so we called her.  Smart decision.

Everyone associated with UT Southwestern has called my team of doctors there the "dream team".  My surgical oncologist and my plastic surgeon are considered the best of the best.  What dumb luck on my part!

Six years ago I was scared I was going to die.  Today I am happy and healthy and flipping the bird at cancer every chance I get.  I still see Dr L every six months, and after every appointment I say "thank you".  Those words are inadequate but heartfelt.

Happy Surgical Oncologist Day, Dr L.

Kicking cancer's ass - day 2165

Six years ago today I heard the dreaded words.  "It's cancer."

I already knew that.  I knew as soon as I felt the lump a few weeks earlier.  But having it confirmed, and knowing what it meant, was life-changing.  I shut down.  I couldn't talk to anyone, not even my mother.  For weeks.  My poor husband had a basket case on his hands and he shouldered everything without complaint.  Telling my kids, who were 7 and 12 at the time, was horrible.  The saddest moment of my life.  It wasn't fair to them.  It wasn't fair to any of us.  What can you do?

Eventually I got stronger.  I had people rallying in my corner, holding me up.  I had a fantastic team of doctors.  I had a plan.  So I put on my big girl panties and started kicking cancer's ass.

Everyone's cancer journey is different, but for everyone it's scary.  Chemo, surgery, radiation, more surgeries (and even more surgeries)... those are just the biggies.  Your body changes, your outlook on life changes, your mental state is in constant upheaval.  Two years ago, I added another "gift":  lymphedema in my left arm and hand thanks to lymph node removal during one of my surgeries.  Swelling, aching, and compression garments 24/7 - that's been my new normal since two summers ago.  It never goes away.

But you know what?  Cancer can keep throwing shit at me.  I'll deal.  I'll fight.  I'll kick ass.
Yesterday I had my six month checkup with my oncologist. According to him, I'm "doing just dandy" and he'll see me in six months.  I don't know if that'll change next week, next month or in ten years.  Cancer is always the creep lurking around the corner.  But for today I'm healthy.  So there!  Today, I will celebrate.  I am a survivor.

I could pretty much post this for every year since August 1, 2013.  That first year was rough.  Sixteen weeks of chemo.  A major (10+ hour) surgery.  Thirty-three radiation treatments.  The loss of one of my best friends.  2014 wasn't much better.  My life was getting back to semi-normal, until my dad had a major heart attack and stroke that forever changed his way of life.  My mother was diagnosed with colon cancer.  Two more surgeries for me.  A little over a year later, breast cancer took my BFF's mom.... someone who was like a second mom to me.  A little over a year later, breast cancer took my BFF.  A little over a year later, my brother passed away.  Do I sound like a broken record?  It's so sad it's scary.  Despite the smile on my face, grief is my constant companion.

I am not the same person I was six years ago.  I've faced the scariest thing ever.  I've been sick.  I've been tired.  I'm STILL tired.  I've suffered loss after loss.  But with the grace of God, my husband and kids, and the support of my family and friends, I'm alive and well and stronger than I ever thought I would be.  I may not look the same or feel the same or act the same, but this Michelle is better than ever, because she's a survivor.  

In a few short months, my son will be 18.  Wasn't he just playing with hot wheels cars yesterday?  A few months ago my daughter turned 13.  Say what?  She borrows my clothes and I borrow her shoes.  It's bizarre.  Six years ago, I didn't know if I would be alive to celebrate these milestone birthdays with my kids.  But here I am.  I am so grateful for every day I get to be their mom.  They are fun, funny, smart, caring and compassionate people and I'm proud of who they are turning out to be.  Football games, softball tournaments, band concerts, tennis matches....bring it on.  

Besides my kids, the biggest blessing in my life is my husband.  I don't know where I'd be right now if it wasn't for him. 

My strong man got me through the last six years, plain and simple.  He doesn't complain.  He does what he has to do and he loves me no matter what.  He has played nurse and chauffer, chef and morale booster.  He has let me be moody and tired and not much fun because sometimes I just can't be anything else.  I wish every woman who goes through what I have gone through could have a man like him in their corner.  I'm afraid God broke the mold with him, though.  He's one in a million, and I'm so blessed that he's mine.

In the next twelve months Hubby and I will celebrate our eighteenth wedding anniversary, my son will graduate and my daughter will enter high school.  I hope and pray from the bottom of my soul that next year at this time I can still say... I'm a survivor.  

Life is good, my friends.  It is well.

Kicking cancer's ass - day 2102

We officially have two teenagers in the house!

Today my baby girl turns thirteen.  (It's also the last day of school, which means my baby boy is a high school senior, but that's a whole other post!)

K is so incredibly smart, talented, kind, beautiful, thoughtful, creative and compassionate.  But what means more than the academic awards, the first place tennis ribbons or the softball trophies is how fantastically unique she is.  She is quirky and funny, dramatic and silly.

Whether she is singing as loud as she can in the shower or speaking to a hotel clerk in a Russian accent, my girl never fails to bring a smile to my face.  She used to be painfully shy and scared of everything.  Now she lives up to the meaning of her name (brave) by enthusiastically trying new things.  You might see her all dolled up at a daddy-daughter dance, zip-lining down a mountain or covered in dirt on the softball field.  She might spend her time working with the animals at the zoo, going fishing or playing Dungeons & Dragons with her friends.  She loves horses and her dog Dexter.  She prays for the sick and loves with her whole heart. 

 

God sure blessed me when he chose to give me this girl for a daughter.  She's an honor roll student, a competitive tennis player, a softball pitcher, first chair bass clarinet in honor band, and more than all of her diverse talents, she has the most amazing soul of anyone I have ever known.  

Happy 13th birthday, baby girl.  You are SO WEIRD!  😍
Always be you.