Kicking cancer's ass - day 4542

 

My friend Kathryn calls birthdays after cancer "bonus birthdays". And she's right. Every birthday, every DAY, after everything I went through to survive cancer is a gift.

Today is my birthday. And today I'm asking the question most cancer patients ask. "Why me?" 

I'm not asking why I got cancer. I've never asked that. Survivor guilt is real, however, and sometimes it's a struggle to understand God's plan.

While I am incredibly grateful to be alive and well, this time of year seems to be a season of loss for me. 

I had two miscarriages (one before J and one before K). The first was on my birthday. The second one was shortly after my birthday a few years later.

My lifelong BFF Trudy passed away right after my birthday in 2018. The last time I saw her, hugged her, and told her "I love you BAH" was on my birthday. She sang happy birthday to me from her hospice bed.

My brother passed away unexpectedly on March 1, 2019, so that date is looming.

The anniversary of my dad's passing was last week. 

It seems like the universe conspires against me this time of year. 2026 hasn't started any better.

Yesterday two children of long-time family friends were killed in an auto accident. It was horrific and shocking and so unexpected. I still feel like it's something from a movie.

I've known Brileigh (19) and her brother Kyler (16) since Kelsie was 8 years old. Brileigh joined Kelsie's travel softball team and became one of "my girls". Hubby coached that team for years and years, and I know he would have done, and still would do ANYTHING for any of them. They weren't just our players or Kelsie's friends. They were our softball family.

Brileigh was larger than life. If there was fun to be had, noise to be made, dirt to slide in... B was your girl. She was always the one to get her uniform dirty first, and I can't tell you how many times her dad asked me to order more pants because Brileigh would tear hers up sliding & diving on the softball field.

I didn't know her little brother Kyler that well because he was busy with his own activities. I know he leaves behind grieving parents, brothers & sisters, his school, community and church family.

This is where the "why me" comes in. I know we're not supposed to question God's timing. But these two beautiful souls who loved their friends, loved sports, loved Jesus... why did they leave this earth before me? I get to "celebrate" another birthday and they are no longer here.

For so many years, this was my view of the softball field. My daughter in the pitching circle, Brileigh at shortstop. I can't even remember how many weekends she spent with our family. Her parents had jobs and five other kids, so B often traveled to tournaments with us. 

She was the life of the party, always either making us laugh or making us crazy. She had a big, loving heart and I can't stand the emptiness she leaves behind.

She has been one of Kelsie's closest friends for a decade, and that's devastating for my girl. 

Kelsie, Natalie and Brileigh were like the three amigos... often where you'd find two, you'd find all three. They went to three different high schools, had different groups of friends, but their bond remained strong.

Kelsie said to me yesterday, "I just texted Brileigh this morning." 😢 

These girls grew up on the softball field together. Some teammates came and went over the years, but many true, solid friendships endured. Once a Lady Diamond, always a Lady Diamond (even when the girls decided to change the name... ha ha). As the team mom/organizer/scorekeeper, they were and always will be MY girls. 

My heart breaks thinking of Brileigh & Kyler's parents. It's devastating to lose one child. But to lose two at the same time? Unfathomable. Their older brother, younger brother and sisters... there are no words. These two leave behind legions of friends, teammates, teachers, and coaches who will miss them terribly.

A few years ago Brileigh shared this photo on her Instagram story. 

Boyd was often hard on his players (just ask Kels), but he was also their biggest cheerleader. He has a huge heart for these girls, and this is a tough loss.

As you go about your day—and in the days to come—please keep everyone who loved Brileigh and Kyler in your prayers. 

This one hurts.

*Edited to add: https://www.gofundme.com/f/support-for-the-dailey-family-after-tragic-loss